I keep waiting for the day this ends. The fantasy of everything just getting better. Of course it will stop getting better quite soon, but I'm scared of the day everything stops being good. I have waited so long to walk through the school without being called a slut. I have waited so long to sit in class without drawing attention to myself. And now that the day has come it feels so surreal. I walk through the halls and a stranger smiles at me. I sit in my usual spot at the back of class and no one yells anything rude. I buy a muffin from the cafeteria and I eat it in peace. I pass Eleanor in the field and not a single streak of fear strikes me. I even smile, actually enjoying my day. Everything is so nice, I'm terrified of when it might end.
It didn't take long for Lewis and I to master the dance after we slowed it down and went over the steps a hundred times. Once we knew the steps it wasn't hard to put it to the music. We were the slowest to get it in class so we all just moved on. Going back to the start turned out to be the magic trick.
I had expected him to leave when we finished but we end up sitting on the couch drinking hot chocolate. It's not what you would expect a celebration to be, but I like it. Maybe I just like how close we're sitting, or how we're talking more than we usually talk, or how his smile has stayed slapped across his face since I mentioned hot chocolate. Maybe I just like having him here. Suddenly I think having Finn here. I frown at my hot chocolate. Why do I always have to think of Finn? Lewis stops telling me about his previous Christmas. I look up at him. "Are you okay?" he asks slowly.
"Yeah. Sorry, carry on," I say.
"You don't want to talk about it?" He actually seems concerned. It makes me smile, thinking Lewis is concerned for me. I look up and Lewis shifts his gaze to his mug. "Guy trouble. You know when you're thinking of something completely different but somehow your train of thought leads you to the thing you don't want to think about?" I say.
"Yes, hate that," Lewis says. "You want to tell me about the guy troubles?"
"It's just confusing. I have a crush on a guy who does not like me back but hugs me and stuff and I just don't know if I'm friend zoned or if I should flirt with him but I'm not good at flirting so I want him to flirt with me first but he doesn't which tells me isn't interested," I say quickly. Lewis pauses for a moment, sipping his hot chocolate and thinking. He studies my face for a second. "But then again he only hugged me because I told his sister off. And he wanted to dance with me so that we could beat his sister in a talent contest. He put his arm around me but that was only to comfort me about his sister. In fact, most of the times that he has made any somewhat flirtatious moves they were about his sister," I look at Lewis who is hiding a smile. "This is why you don't ask me about my problems! I go on and on and on."
"Yes, you do," Lewis says, earning a whack which nearly makes him spill his hot chocolate. He laughs and puts his mug on the coffee table. I finish the last sip of mine before doing the same. "I assume we're talking about the guy from Friday night," Lewis says. I nod. "Well, when we met him, he said he was your friend. Carly being Carly asked if you two were a thing and he said no, then went to say something else but stopped himself. He also looked kind of jealous when we were dancing." My heart skips when I think of that dance. Shoving the feeling aside I think of Finn. The thought of him makes me smile, but somehow it feels different. I look up at Lewis as he drinks the rest of his hot chocolate. He sets his mugs down and looks over at me. "I think my crush may be fading," I murmur.
Lewis leaves soon after. "It was nice telling you my petty problems," I laugh.
"It was... Interesting to hear them," he says.
"You don't have to lie. Next time I'll save it for a girl friend," I say. Lewis nods and I laugh. He walks down the path to his car. He waves from the door. I wave back, and wait until he drives away before walking inside. I'd like to do that more often. Maybe minus the talking about Finn part, but the rest of it was nice. I smile as I bob upstairs to my bedroom.
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Maya at the sidebar.
Can you tell I have no idea what to write?
I'm just going to time jump for the next chapter and maybe end the book in a few chapters because I've rewritten it multiple times and it never gets better.
Thanks for reading!
Bad Noodle xx
