Start Again (C.T.H.)

Part 5

That was only the start of our conversation which lasted until the teenage barista had to push us out the door with an eye roll. We laughed and Calum nervously asked if he could come back to my place. I smiled widely and led the way to my apartment.

The place was small but homey and I loved it. Calum found his way to the small couch and I followed. I didn't exactly know what to do in private with Calum but he spoke up before I could start to panic.

"So do you still have that insane collection of board games or would you prefer we stare at the walls all night?"

-

"You're such an asshole! I can't believe I trusted you."

"Y/N-"

"No! You don't get to talk right now. I trusted you and you fucking cheated. I don't want to be around you anymore. Leave."

"I didn't cheat."

"I'm not an Idiot Calum, I know you did."

"Well I don't want to be around a loser like you but here I am."

"What?! Fuck you Calum, I am never playing monopoly with you again!"

"You're the one who flipped the board! I'm never playing with you either."

We both were laughing and joking around like three years apart meant nothing. I missed him. He always made me feel at home and I never wanted this to end. He had shed his suit jacket, tie, and dress shoes while the sleeves of his white button-up were rolled up to his elbows. We had started on Scrabble but we both sucked at English and after arguing over the validity of the word "shlong" we decided to move on to Life and then Monopoly.

Calum's laughter had started to die down when I looked at him again. He had such a fond look on his face that it almost pained me to say what needed to be said.

"Cal?"

"Yeah?" He lazily replied.

"We can talk about it now. If you want to."

He didn't need any more explanation as he looked down and took in a breath.

"I'm sorry. I just need to say that first. I know it sounds stupid but I never wanted to hurt you." He paused and I waited for him to continue.

"I know that we had plans back then to go to college together and make it work out but things changed. My feelings never lessened for a second but my plans did. It was late one night like 3 am, and I had the brilliant fucking idea to hit up the school for one last 'fuck you'. I really should've learned my lesson after the first time I got caught but I thought I knew what to do in order to not get caught. I was wrong. I was caught. I already had a record and I was 18 now so I didn't stand a chance. I wanted to call you and tell you but I couldn't let you down like that. You didn't need to worry about me or go to college while hanging onto some deadbeat boyfriend that was only going to continue to let you down. You deserved better than me."

I felt wetness on my face and realized I had been crying. I hated how he thought so low of himself when he was so much more than that. I couldn't help but question him though.

"How long?"

"18 months."

"So you continued to ignore me for another 18 months after that?"

"Y/N"

"Did I ever cross your mind? Did you ever think that maybe you shouldn't continue to do such a shitty thing to me?"

"Of course-"

"Think about it like this. You have the best summer of your life with your boyfriend of 2 years. You're getting ready to leave for college when all of a sudden you don't hear anything from them. No texts. No calls. Not even their mother would tell you what the fuck is going on. Fuck! I thought you were dead until Joy told me you weren't and that you wanted me to 'forget about you'. Do you know how heartbreaking that is? How fucked up it is?"

"I know and I don't expect you to forgive me. Not ever if I'm being honest. But I can't forget you or at least pretend to anymore. I want to start over and I know it's not likely but please, Y/N, I need you in my life. As a friend, an acquaintance, anything."

"I can't start over. You can't just act like this didn't destroy me or even happen."

There was a brief silence before I spoke again.

"We can't start over. But we can move forward. You always were my best friend and losing you sucked, but I'll gladly have my best friend back as long as he knows he's got a lot of shit to make up for."

The relief on Calum's face spoke volumes and I gave him a small smile.

"I promise you, I'll do whatever I can to try and make it up to you."

"Well you're off to a pretty shitty start if you're gonna cheat in Monopoly"

We laughed and he nudged my shoulder with his own. Calum was back.