Beauty amidst chaos.
"I am young and I am old. I have lived this place since the beginning. I feel pain, you feel pain. We are the same. We are both losing our time."
She can't understand her but the child proceeded.
"We are the missing pieces of t...
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I was awakened by something err- no. This hurt feeling again. Sa sobrang sakit all I can do is scream while punching my heart. It hurts like hell.
I have been feeling this pain since last year. We tried to ask professionals but they can't explain it. Even science can't explain my disease. I feel weak.
"Mom? The pain again. Help" I screamed for help but nobody's here. Yeah sure, I smiled.
They left me again. Ever since this thing happened to me they always leave me. I sometimes feel like they have abandoned me.
Who wants a weak child? Who wants a screaming lady? My sisters would call me 'banshee'. It is from a irish mythology. Hinayaan ko nalang kasi kapag itolerate ko 'yun? Mas sasakit lalo ang aking puso.
Damn, help me. Because of my disease which I call "Banshee Disease" we moved to a place where people are far away so they can't hear my scream and cry.
We moved to Red Sun Ville. A small town which was covered in trees and in the end of the village was the infamous "Devil's den". The endless forest. They say the whole forest was 53 square meters. Imagine.
My favorite place when I was still a normal girl. This all started when I was 17 and now obviously I am 18.
I was taken back when I hit something in my room. It was a picture frame of my family.
Umiyak ulit ako ng makita kung gaano kami kasaya noon. Sana kahit ganito ako, masaya parin sila.
I have caused too much trouble in their life.
I really want to know what is happening to me. This is not normal. Not only the pain but everynight I can see some vivid images of a girl trying to help me but I hesitate.
People would say dementia. People would say the pain inside my chest was only the product of my insanity. I hope it's all in the mind.
After a minute of taking pain reliever, the pain was slowly gone. I sighed deeply.
This day? I want to quit. I am the problem in the house.
I wrote everything. I bid my goodbye to everyone. I want to end this, life.
With that, kinuha ko ang sinturon ng aking ama. Wala akong makitang lubid at kung meron man, matatagalan ako.
While crying, I pack everything i need to bring.
My notebook was left on the dinning table. I just hope they would appreciate me now.
I am ready to leave this place. Pain is nothing when I am dead.
I rode my bicycle and I am heading to the red ville. The famous forest.
Nakarating ako sa gubat ng walang nakakita saakin. Masyado nang madilim kaya hindi na ako nagtaka pa kung bakit wala nang mga tao. People would say the forest is a safe place when it's morning and when the night comes, the demons would rule the forest. I don't believe them. What's worse than demons?
"The pain I feel" I whispered in the air. Physically, emotionally and even spiritually.
Sinumulan ko ng lakarin ang madilim na gubat na walang ginagamit na flashlight. Liwanag galing sa buwan na lamang ang gumagabay saakin.
May nararaanan akong mga taong nagcacamp ngunit patuloy lamang ako sa paglalakad.
"I am here and I am ready" I cry so hard.
People would call this place 'the devil's den' because of the trees would line perfectly and in the end of it, a biggest tree would appear.
The trees and the moon are witnesses on how I free myself in this chaotic life. They are my audience and tonight's a big show.
"Goodbye" I sighed deeply and do what I needed to do.
