Ren

Accelerants

**So, this story isn't going to be following a specific pattern. I think it's very much going to be character driven, so the POV will change randomly. Which will also affect the length, but in the immortal words of Heath, "Here. We. Go."**

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"...but even if we were to retake the Capital, we still wouldn't have enough defenses to hold it."

"Right, but we also don't have enough intel to accurately determine exactly what is there!"

"Is that a risk we want to take?"

"Isn't it!? We can't stay here."

I remained silent, considering their arguments.  In truth, however, I was distracted.

It had taken me a considerable amount of time to control my abilities; to only be able to hear the thoughts of those I wanted to.  But she was completely different.  Despite my effort and concentration, I was still able to pick up her thoughts.  Even now, though I was a few floors away, I could still catch the light tremor of her voice.

She was wondering about Jitte and his role with The Order, she was tired, but most of all she was anxious. 

As the voices of my commanders and leadership continued to argue, I concentrated on her anxiety.

She was anxious about my return. 

I was intrigued.

I closed my eyes and focused on her alone.  She was appraising the garments in the closet.  All standard issue for new recruits.  Having settled on a large dressing shirt, she began peeling off the grey uniform and before putting it on, stepped in front of the mirror in the restroom. 

My mouth went dry.  As she contemplated her reflection, I could only appreciate it.  There had been no indication that all of this was what lie beneath her scavenger garb.    The curve of her neck elegantly flowed toward her shoulders, over the gentle curve of her stomach and the back out over her hips.  The smooth trail of skin from her throat, over her collar bone and over the perfect swell of her breasts.  The perfect mounds that puckered in response to the chill in the air.

Damnit...

She was fucking edible, and she had no idea.  Unable to follow any more of the mindless noise regarding expansion, I stood; stepping behind my chair to hide the uncomfortable tent forming. 

"I've heard your arguments and will take the evening to decide our next course of action."  They nodded in agreement and began filing out.

I clenched my fists as I struggled to remain patient while the rest of the room emptied.  Everyone except, Hux of course.

He remained seated, looking at me; waiting for me to address him.  In the interest of saving time, I peered into his thoughts.

He can't keep that pathetic creature here.  He could at least put her in a cell, where she belongs.  My men shouldn't have to tolerate-

I'd heard enough.

"General, you seem displeased with our detainee."

"Sir."  His voice was dripping with self-righteous indignation.  Detainee?  Really?  Not prisoner?

Even his thoughts were irksome.

"General," I paused and moved around towards him, "you would do well to remember your place," I whispered. 

His scowl intensified and he straightened his spine.

"My place is-"his voice cut out in a half choke as I mentally tightened my grip on his throat.  His pale skin began turning the same shade of bright red as his hair and I felt his panic rise.

"I will tell you what your place is, General."  I held on a moment longer, then released him.  He fell on the table, gasping for air and clutching his throat. 

Once he was able to catch his breath, he stood straight again, and returned to his intense glare.  Through gritted teeth, he quietly replied, "Yes, sir."

Enough time had been wasted on his meaningless concern, but unfortunately the desire that had been spiking through me before was gone. 

Anger was the accelerant that carried me back to my quarters.  Anger at Hux for his impertinence and at her for distracting me.  

Hux wasn't wrong.  Every other human we'd encountered had been fodder on which our Order had expanded. 

'Humans are weak, and they need our guidance.  They need us to end their meaningless existence.'  The words spoken by Snoke, not long ago, echoed through my mind.  'Are you weak, boy?' 

My jaw tightened as rage enveloped my mind.  I felt the tremors building through my arms and down my legs.  I reached for the latches on the helmet and ripped it off as quickly as possible.  The cold air against my face was welcome but did nothing to stop the spasms ripping through my body.  I took a deep breath and fell over the table, upon exhale. 

How was it, that even from the grave Snoke's influence propelled me further into darkness?  The icy grip of hate continued to curl around my neck, choking me into submission.  I shook so hard and felt my grip on reality begin to dissolve.  The darkness was pulling me down and I couldn't breathe.  

Caught in the illusion that was never ending pain and self-denial, I clenched my fists tighter.  The unyielding leather cutting into my circulation the harder I squeezed.  After everything I'd sacrificed to be worthy of his pride, it still had not mattered in the end.  It was never going to be enough.  

So I ended him.  I ended Snoke before he could force me to kill off more of who I was.  

But who are you?  I wasn't Resistance, but I wasn't entirely The Order either.  The battle between metas and humans, it was irrational and yet, I couldn't let go of the psychological vice Snoke still had around my mind.  

The mantle I had meant to destroy now rested squarely on my shoulders.  Sweat was dripping down the ends of my hair as I struggled to quiet my mind. Losing control was not an option, but I was drowning again.

Something crashed against the floor and I turned to realize my tremors were rocking the entire room.  

Weak, weak, WEAK!  

The spiral down intensified, like the crushing depths of an ocean the deeper you sank.  The pressure began to reach critical and an alarm sounded somewhere in the distance.  I opened my eyes to see a crack beginning to split the concrete wall.  Reaching deep within myself, I struggle to find an anchor.  Anything to push me back into control.  I felt the room spin around me.  Objects were shattering around me as I continued to dig for something; anything to quiet the emotion.  

I couldn't breath while I continued to dig, until at last I found something that didn't belong.  It wasn't much, but a small glimmer of something pierced through the sinking black.  I reached for it, not knowing what it was or where it had come from, but anything to grab onto was what I needed.  My breathing slowed and I closed my eyes to focus on the tiny emotion pushing against the edge of my mind. 

Confusion.  Exhaustion. Something familiar... Anxiety.

I turned to the door and felt it stronger.

I went to it quickly and the doors slid apart; revealing her.