Addict

Safe and I can't stand it

As time went on I got used to the care home. I pretty much kept myself to myself and surprisingly enough , after not long , I was adopted. I hadn't been broadcast as a problem child so I was taken in by a sweet couple who were unable to have children themselves. I suppose they expected me to be easy to handle , so I decided to be just that. To be sweet but quiet and just stay away from them as much as possible... but as time went on , despite my stubborn side screeching at me , I grew to like them.

My "mum" was called Lindsey and my "dad" was called Ray. They both insisted that I call them by their first names , Lindsey going as far as to tell me to call her just Lin. They were nice to me which I have to say was a shock to the system. Furthermore they were interested in my hobbies and what I liked. I told them that first I would have to figure out what my hobbies were , since I had pretty much been working for as long as I could remember , with little time to think about much else. After that statement they could barley hide the pity in their eyes. So they must have made an unspoken decision to take on the challenge of getting me to live as a normal teenager.

First they tried getting me interested in dancing however I went to one class and couldn't stand it. I told them it wasn't for me but I liked the idea of sports. So they tried me with badminton and hockey and football , but I hated it all. However eventually there was one class I went to and it was as if I was home as soon as I stepped through the doors. I decided I had found my passion.

Most of the time I refused to think about my past life , but when I was there is came out. All the anger and the hurt I felt was like a tidal wave in my mind but with each punch it just dripped out and slipped away. It soothed me and over time I got better and better. The one downside however was that it took a firm grip over my mind. I loved boxing so much that all I wanted was to be there. It was like I needed something in my life to push against , to fight. Otherwise , what was my purpose?

Over time I began to compete in competitions and won award after award. Ray and Lin were so proud of me. But they didn't know half the reason that I had took to the sport so well. They didn't know how much it meant to me , or that at this point , I don't think I could've lived without it.

By my eighteenth birthday I was a two time world champion , which had seemed completely impossible given the small amount of time I had been competing. However with practicing at every chance I got , I achieved my goal. But by this point , boxing was no longer the only thing on my mind. By now I knew my parents death had been marked as a cold case and that it would probably never be re-opened. I knew all the details of the crime scene and the evidence ,  since they had just deemed me old enough. There was also the fact that I didn't stop fighting until they did tell me every detail. It was like something in me just had to know. As soon as I found out I wrote down everything they told me , and while no one was looking I had also snapped pictures which I later printed out.

It no longer bothered me looking at pictures of my parents now , or even of the crime scene. I had , in a way , cut all emotion off and detached myself from it. I saw it more as a scene from some movie I watched in my childhood , rather than real life. But there was one thing I did feel that was real , something I had been ignoring for years , not even knowing what it was for many of them , but now it was stronger than ever , gnawing and nagging at me from the pit of my stomach. It was such a strong want , a need that I could no longer push aside. The desperate desire for ... vengeance.

I vowed to myself , that one day , somehow I would kill these people. I was strong and good at fighting so I had some skills under my belt and I decided I wouldn't stop until they were just as dead as my parents were.

I knew in that moment , I had found my drive.