bleeding hearts.

153

"before the dark night
traps me in,
don't leave me
do you still love me?
if you feel the same,
don't leave today.."

rylie

subic.

"hindi ako magsasawang balik balikan to," i stated while looking at the sunset. jansen slowly nodded who's now resting his head on my shoulder.

"i hope the sun will not set," i exclaimed deeply and sighed. alam kong alam niya ang ibig sabihin noon, kaya mabilis siyang nakasagot.

"kaya lang, kailangan niya," when i heard his meaningful answer, that's when a tear escaped from my eye.

he removed his head on my shoulder and faced me. jansen silently held my face to lift my chin up.

the sea infront of us was the only noise in our surroundings. the large waves are making a loud noise as if it was the same with the sound of my heartbeat.

"yeah, he needs to.." i repeated and avoided his gaze.

"i'm sorry," he muttered and as if on cue, my tears began flowing like a river. napakababaw ko talaga, letche.

"rylie.." jansen whispered and pulled me for a hug. his breathing gets heavy while he was caressing my back. hindi ko alam kung bakit, mas masakit ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. dapat nga ay kampante ako dahil kahit papaano, may purpose parin ang mangyayari.

i continued crying even if i'm trying my best not to. "why do you need to leave me?"

"rylie, alam mo namang para sating dalawa to.  didn't i told you before that we will continue to reach our goals and dreams? we can do all of that if i'll accept dad's offer."

i shook my head repeatedly. "jansen you know i can't handle it if you'll leave.. kaya mo namang mag take over sa company ng hindi umaalis-"

"rylie, you know he won't let me. pero alam mo naman diba? i'll leave the country, but not you. i'll not let go of you just like what josiah did to leigh.." he assured me, pero hindi ko alam, masyasong mabigat sa dibdib kaya hindi ako maka-kalma ng maayos.

he's leaving tomorrow but here we are, watching the sunset for the last time we're together in one place. i decided to consume this time with him before i can even let him go far away from me.

i don't feel so good about this. i can really sense that we might not be able to talk to each other if he'll fly away, just like what his dad has requested. sobrang lakas ng pakiramdam ko, kaya ayaw ko na talaga siyang pakawalan..

"rylie, promise me.. you'll wait for me until i'll return." he mumbled, staring directly into my eyes. kahit hindi niya sabihin yun, yun yung gagawin ko.

"jansen.."

"promise me."

i slowly nodded, still keeping myself not to cry. bakit ba kasi ganito mga sinasabi niya? kung talagang hindi niya naman ako iiwan, hindi naman ako magdududa ng ganito. "i promise."

"i love you.."

he gave me a peck on my lips, so i answered him back. "i love you too."

"ry! stop crying!" pinagalitan niya pa ako bago muling niyakap. anong magagawa ko? i can't help it! a strange feeling was hugging my whole heart and i don't even know why!

i faced the sea again. sa saglit naming paguusap, dahan dahan na agad binabalot ng dilim ang paligid.  few more minutes and i know that the sun will finally set again.

"tara na sa loob?" jansen suddenly lifted me up and walked inside the villa. nakatitig lamang ako sakanya habang buhat ako. wala ni isang salita ang lumabas sa bibig niya kaya lalo lamang akong nasasaktan.

he's usually talkative. hindi matatapos ang isang minuto ng wala siyang topic na binabanggit. kaya bakit ngayon, hindi niya magawang magdaldal?

"jansen.." i whispered while he was bringing me to our room. he finally glanced at me and smiled, but i know him too well that i am sure that the smile he gave me was a forced one.

"hmm?"

"i love you."

he chuckled and leaned his head down to me, bago hinalikan ang noo ko ng matagal. "i love you even more."

jansen gently laid me down the bed, then he followed once again with a smile, but the pain that was reflecting in his eyes was just too strong, i can even see it and now i wonder why again.

he suddenly attacked me with his soft lips, gently brushing it against mine. i responded but then i felt a tear. i opened my eyes only to see him closing his. agad kong nakita ang mga tubig na dumadaloy galing sa mga mata niya.

why is he crying? tangina naman, jansen! ayaw mo akong magduda pero umiiyak ka! para saan? kasi iiwan mo na ko? kasi hindi totoong makakausap parin natin yung isa't isa pagkatapos nito?

i was about to let go of the kiss and ask him, but he deepened it more causing my eyes shut close again.

jansen, bakit hindi mo masabi sakin yung totoo?

i heard his little whispers in my ear after covering my body with the blanket. i can't even answer him because of tiredness. sobrang bigat na ng mga mata ko dahil sa dami ng pagiyak kanina. 

"ry.."

"i'm sorry, i love you.."

we were the only couple left in the squad. after what happened to timothy and jade, yves and jennie, josiah and leigh, we never really got the chance to be happy together again..

pero ngayon, tingin ko tama yung hinala ko.. that we'll also part our ways too.

i woke up only to find myself lying on the bed.. without him. suot ko na ang polo na gamit niya kagabi pero wala siya sa tabi ko.

no single signs of jansen inside the room, the kitchen, the bathroom, the living room, the veranda.. the whole villa..

all of his things were already gone.

even his presence too.

i was left alone, crying and tearing apart.

i waited, and waited, and waited.
but he never returned.
and that was the last sunset
we've spent together.