My thought about life

Sometimes I wish to not "live"

My insides welled up.

Then I SNAP.
I abandone everything I have.

I put a wall between my friends, saying I don't need them and they don't need me, that they're better off without me.
I won't care for their words, I'll push them away.
Then I'll be alone by myself, crying for what I did, but continue anyway.
I can focus on school.
No more playing whatsoever, so I do homework, get the score I desired.

Go home and put a happy mask on, not letting my parents know anything.
Continue.
Be normal.
Eat, study, sleep.

Not having to care about other people, I do my routine.
My mind is clear.
No more disturbance

Get a job.

Get money.

...
...
...

But unfortunately, I'm sane
The situation is what I imagine to escape from my lazy, unmotivated, indiscipline(?) self
Things don't just suddenly change

Live
And please, change
For yourself.

Please