Deathwish girl x girl

Death is my only choice !

I've killed myself so many times . The funny thing is .... I keep coming back alive .
Worthless
Bitch
Ugly
Fat
Dumb
Weird
Crazy
Asshole
A mistake
I've been through hell and back .
All those words are what people said to me and so much more . It hurts so much . You might think ... it's just words .... But words .... hurt .
It's not only those words .... It's the way people treat you . It's the way people act like your not there . It's the way ... Pain results to you being something that your not . It's the way ... Pain makes you hurt yourself and cry and lie and hide from every fucking thing that's in your path .
My dad ... You don't know how much I hate him . I don't care if you believe me or not but. ... He's choked me. Slapped me . Punched me . Kicked me . He's made me feel like a worthless piece of crap . He's made me feel like I'm nothing , like I shouldn't even be in this world at all . The way he screams at me makes me wish I was nothing .
I feel like no one cares . As I write this I cry harder every minute .... Because I want that girl back .
The girl who was happy .
The girl that didn't want to die .
The girl that had no bruises to share .
The girl who liked gym .
The girl that didn't look depressed all the time .
The girl that wanted friends .
The girl that was smart .
The girl that loved dancing in the rain .
The girl that loved swimming .
The girl that adored the color pink .
The girl who wore cute short sleeves without a jacket.
The girl that didn't cry .
The girl that didn't lie.
The girl that was fun .
The girl that liked her body .
The girl that was good at all subjects .
The girl that tried her best .
The girl that was nice .
The girl that didn't hurt anybody .
The girl that wasn't violent .
The girl that didn't fucken eat her pain away .
The girl that was full of joy.
The girl. .... That was her self .
I WANT HER BACK ! I WANT HER BACK ! Plz ? Plz ?
I don't wanna act weird when I'm not . I don't wanna cry . I wanna write fun stories . I wanna dance and sing . I wanna be happy !
.....but that's a wish that won't happen .
I'll chose the realistic wish for now .
D
E
A
T
H
That's the only option .
That's my escape ... That's my choice . I want to die ... I wanna die . I don't wanna be in this world anymore . I've lost hope for everything ... School is pointless ... Friends are pointless ... I won't find one friend who cares about me ... Who will save me . Parents , beside my dad ... I know they might care ... But I am putting this idea in my head , that they hate me . I want to keep that idea ... I don't know why but if I find out they care when I hate myself , I think I'll break ......
Hmm I'm gonna talk about my dad more a little .... Then school ... Then my wish .

Dad : I love him and I hate him . It's mixed . He's nice then mean . He goes back and forth. Maybe.... He's like me. I'm nice .. Then mean. Happy ... Then sad . Back and forth
School : ....I can't begin to describe the hatred I feel towards school .
My wish : is to .. Die .. I just want to kill
Myse-

" Wake up ! " she shook me ... My mother . "