A Multitude of Falling Stars

I LET HER GO

I left her on the altar crying.

It was my fault. I know. I took her for granted. I made her suffer. I made her cry even if I promised her I'd make her happy. I hurt her even if I promised her I would bring her no harm. I killed her hopes even if I promised her we would go against all odds.

Maybe that's just who I am---a promise. A promise who should be broken.

It's been three months since the day I left her on the altar with no explanation. I don't want her to agonize more, so I just left without a word. She doesn't need to know. She doesn't need to hurt deeper than she already had. I can't take responsibility for more tears. I know I had to leave. I know she has her life ahead of her. A bright future with someone she could be until the end of her days. She can't be with me.

I've been selfish to make her stay. I made her stay because having her by my side felt like an eternity. It felt like I could stay for a few more years. It felt like I could live normally. But I couldn't be selfish enough to make her stay. I couldn't be selfish enough to rob her of her future.

"It's stage four brain cancer." I heard my mother talking to the doctor.

I breathed deeply that the air felt like it's slicing my lungs. As I look at the white sheet covering my body, I remember the immaculate white dress she wore on our wedding day. I could even see her lively smile. I could hear the bells, the laughter of people, the thumping of my own heart.I prayed silently as I close my eyes to drown all thoughts of that blissful day. I prayed for her to find the right man. My tears fell like advancing raindrops from an evil thunderstorm. My selfishness ends here.I love her more than she'll ever know but I couldn't be selfish enough to let her marry a dying man. So I let her go.