To what makes a princess.

windows of the soul

Athanasia is slowly growing into a beautiful lady. Unlike me, she is beautiful inside and out. she smile brightens the room just by smiling and her eyes are truly the windows to her soul. Even now, they way she smiles up at her father in her gorgeous pink dress makes me want to just run to her and bring her in my arms. 

I haven't seen elder brother in his ceremonial clothes since his birthday. I'll never forget how out right heavenly he looks with his medals and fabrics. His golden hair combed back out of his eyes so that you can clearly see his beautiful jeweled blue eyes and foe once, they shined slightly as he looked down at his equally beautiful daughter. They start to walk towards the carriage and wait for me to join them. I feel reluctant to join them. This is not a dance for me to be at. This is Princess Athanaisa's debut ball. What purpose is there for me to be there. I am a full grown adult. I can simply wish her a happy birthday and stay in the palace, in my room. 

" Milday, would you like to ride with me?" I hear Felix ask me. I can already imagine his kind smile. Even before I can say anything, I'm pulled up into his arms and walked towards his horse and elder brother gives us a glance before closing the door behind himself. 

and we're off

The ball is grand. My hand shaking. Anxiety and fear mixed in with a bit of jealousy. Felix takes my arm but I can still feel my whole self shake. Even after making it into the ball room, I can't help but look around in fear. Fear that my debut would be repeated. The question being, who will it be this time. That is until I see him dancing with his daughter. and I knew, this will be a beautiful memory for my niece, nothing like my day. I start to step away. I feel tears running down my cheeks as I watch them. Over run by sadness, I try to sneak away. I get out the balcony before I hear footsteps following me. 

" I shouldn't have come today. Of course, I love my elder brother and my dear niece but all I feel right now is ugly jealousy. It hurts to watch them. It hurts because I wish it were me. I wish I could have been able to dance with my father. I wish my father loved me just as much as he loves her. I wish I had a memory like this one. One so pure, so beautiful, so loving. " The tears won't stop falling. I fall to my knees. 

" Jealousy is an ugly look on my no?" I can't but ask looking up. I expected to see Felix there, standing, looking down at me with a disappointed look on his face but he was kneeling down beside me.

He pulled me into the shadow of the building, pulling me onto his lap, arms wrapped around me tight. 

" You know Evangelina, " He starts. His voice is smooth, steady, just like the beating of his heart. My name sounds smooth when he says it. I feel no need to be proper, I don't feel like a princess when he says my name so quietly. He whispers my name as if he's sinning. 

" On that night, I was going to escort you for your debut ball. Before anyone knew about anything, I had planned on asking you to let me escort you for the night. I had begged your brother to let me and he had told me no at first but when he heard that your father was not going to be present, he agreed. We found out later that the night was not going to go as planned but just imagine. What that would have been like. Us, dancing in circles. around and around on the dance floor. So many people would have been so jealous of me, dancing with the crowned princess of the empire. No one else would have ever gotten the chance. They would have been to afraid to ask any of your brother, more so your father, to let them dance with you. " 

He slowly rocked me back and forth as he cradled me in his arms. 

" Of course, you didn't know who I was back then. We'd never met before. You lived within the emerald palace while I lived with your brother as his bosom brother. but I had seen you before in the garden and I was completely smitten. The moment I laid eyes on you, I knew that when I became a respectable knight, you would be my chosen lady. I imagined that when your debut ball came, I would escort you and you'd fall head over heals for me. I'd sweep you off your feet and spin you around until the both of us were dizzy. " 

He blushes and laughs. 

" I remember for weeks before the day of the ball, I practiced dancing like my life depended on it. I wanted to grow taller so I drank so much milk I got a stomach ache. I had my uniform cleaned and ironed weeks before the actual night and was so excited that I couldn't sleep right." 

He brushed the back of his hand against my tear stained cheek.

" If only I had known what was going to happen, I would have rode off with you before your precious jeweled eyes were tainted. but I'm grateful. Without that night, I wouldn't have been able to meet the beautiful woman you've become. I wouldn't have had the chance to get to know the brilliant, strong princess you've become. Without that night, you would have probably been married off to a neighboring kingdom, and it may be selfish of me to say but, I wouldn't have been able to watch you for as long as I have. You would have been trapped in the emerald palace, naive to the world, to joys, the sadness, the anger the world brings people. Oblivious to the Love people hold for each other. " 

He stares at me deeply in the eyes. 

" Princess, please excuse my actions and words from here on out."  He brings his forehead to mine. 

" For just right now, at this moment, let us go back to our children self. Still naive to the rules of the world. Still oblivious to the expectations placed on our shoulders. " 

I can only stare into his eyes, eyes that hold so much emotion, pain, regret, guilt, fear, and I guess, love