Collision Course {Marvel} ||1||

Epilogue

Chaos. Madness. Death. Destruction. Screaming.

Though New York had been somewhat restored—there was still plenty of work to be done—that was all I could think of anymore. Between my mind trying to return to normal from Loki's control and my nightmares, recovery wasn't an easy process. For a while, I heard the noises of battle around me, especially when I was enveloped in silence.

I could never understand how soldiers did it, go into war so bravely. I had been thrown into it against my will. I was sure, like all surviving soldiers, I was like them in so many ways. Our pasts would forever haunt us, we would always be more aware of our surroundings. We would never forget what we had to do to win, to stay alive and protect others from harm.

Though I looked completely put together on the outside, inside I was a wreck. Nobody knew about my inner turmoil, not unless I trusted them enough to tell them. Todd only knew how New York had affected me, as did the Avengers. I never really kept in contact with them since Thor and Loki went back to Asgard. I didn't even visit Stark Tower, which was still in rebuilding. I regretted that, because sometimes I did want to take up Stark on his idea with my fire. One of these days, if it all became too much for me, I'd take up Pepper's offer as well to visit.

I guess that could wait another few months, when I really felt up to it.

It technically wasn't true, the whole not-keeping-in-touch-with-the-Avengers thing. Cap—Steve—and I seemed to talk the most post-war. We saw each other enough.

Those times, we never discussed what happened. We acted as though we'd known each other all of our lives. We chatted the days away like we had all the time in the world.

While Todd was off at his job, I was at one of the many outdoor cafes. Nice, bright days didn't make me happy anymore. It had been a perfectly quiet day in New York when the Chitauri had rained down from the portal. The blue sky had been smothered with smoke.

I sat back in the uncomfortable chair, a coffee cup right in front of me, the contents half gone. There was a gentle breeze in the air, and those around me—mainly the men—kept eyeing me. I paid them no mind, they weren't worth my time. Not even if they were attractive. Not that all men were pigs, but most that approached me—I could tell—simply wanted to have their way with me.

There was still an odd atmosphere in New York. The crime rate was at its lowest. We all were still trying to get back to a good level of normalcy.

I crossed my legs, massaging my temple. Headaches became more frequent since the battle. I couldn't forget about the nightmares either. Some were recaps of the war, some had alternate endings. The alternate endings often felt so real that I woke up screaming. Not only did I suffer on those nights, but Todd did as well. He was a good friend and everything, but I knew he had to grow tired of my behavior sometime; he was just putting on a brave face. I would understand if he wanted some time away from me.

My mind wandered up to Asgard. I thought about the Bifrost and if it would ever be repaired. I thought about Thor and how he was fairing. He couldn't be much better off than me. And how could I forget about Loki, the man I—

What? Still had feelings for? Still had hope in that he would return to me as the man I'd fallen in love with? How I felt about Loki would always remain complicated until the day I would feel nothing for him, if that day would ever come. I didn't want it to, he had captured my heart. He still had it, for now at least.

"Mind if I join you?"

I almost instantly replied "No" as many guys who asked me that were often looking for something that they were never going to get. But with this guy, I didn't have to do that to him. Why would I turn him down when we'd gone through a war together?