I Lie Awake

Chapter 8: Do You Want To Know A Secret?

The house was completely quiet except for the sound of light snoring. Lance woke up from his nightmares again. He looked to his right and found JC's bed empty. He sighed as he sat up on his bed. The nightmares had been worse this time and JC wasn't there to comfort him. He glanced at his bedside table to look at the time, 3:40 a.m. He didn't want to go back to sleep, afraid of encountering those terrible dreams again. He sighed and looked down at his hands. "Why do I have to be like this?" He said to himself. "Why can't I be normal, like everyone else." He felt a tear escape his eye as he said this. "He was right, no one will ever love me." Then he heard a voice at his door. "Lance? What's wrong?" Chris asked softly as he stood in the doorway. Lance wiped at his eyes quickly, not wanting his older friend to see him crying.

Chris was a light sleeper and a noise had woken him up, he decided to check where the noise was coming from and found that it was coming from Lance's room. Chris walked over to him and sat next to him on his bed. "If you need to talk, I'm right here." He said encouragingly. "I can't tell you." Lance said sadly. "Why is that?" Chris asked, curious. "Because you would make fun of me." Lance shrugged. "I promise I won't. I would never make fun of you when something is bothering you." Chris looked at Lance, "You can tell me anything, I will support you no matter what. You are my friend after all." Lance nodded at the last comment. He took a deep breath to calm down and looked down at his hands. "Well, I have been having these nightmares." "Do you want to talk about them? It might help." "I don't really want to but I guess it would be better if I told you." he made a pause, "Okay, so in the nightmares I dream that I tell you guys a secret and you leave me, every time. No matter what happens in the dream, whenever I tell you the secret, you leave me alone. It just makes me feel so unwanted." Remembering his dreams made him feel sad and tear up. "Lance, you know we would never leave you. No matter what, we will always stick by your side. We're best friends, we're brothers." Chris smiled at him, "Do you want to tell me what you said in the dreams?" Chris didn't want to push Lance into telling him something he didn't want to say. Lance nodded, he tried to pull all his thoughts together before he said anything. Finally he said, "Well... in the nightmares, the secret I tell you is... I-" he made a pause and took a deep breath, "I'm gay." He heard nothing, he took a quick glance at Chris and saw that he was looking at him. "That was it?" he said, finally. Lance nodded. "Man, I thought you were gonna tell us that you did drugs or something." He laughed, trying to lighten the mood. Lance smiled at his friend. "Okay, but in all honesty, I'm glad you told me. See? It wasn't that bad. And I didn't leave." Chris smiled.

They stayed in a comfortable silence for a little while before Chris asked, "Who do you have a crush on?" Lance tensed up at the question. "It's one of us, isn't it?" "Uhhhh." was all he could manage. "You know what? I think it's JC." Chris said in a casual tone. "What?" Lance said, trying to seem clueless. Clearly it wasn't working on Chris. "Am I wrong?" he asked. "No." Lance sighed in defeat. "I knew it!" Chris said with a smile on his face. "You can't tell him, Chris! Promise me that you won't tell anyone." Lance pleaded, he would be devastated if anyone found out, especially JC, "But seriously, don't tell JC." "I won't tell. I promise." Chris said, placing his hand over his heart. Silence fell over them again. "Chris?" Lance asked, looking up to meet his gaze. "Huh?" He replied looking at Lance. "Thank you." "For what?" "For listening and being a good friend." Lance said as he hugged him. "Anytime Lance, anytime." Chris said as he hugged him back, "Do you feel better now?" He felt Lance nod. "I don't think I can go to sleep though." Lance admitted. "I could stay here with you if you want." Chris said. "Please do." "Alright, I will go sleep in JC's bed, but I'm gonna wait for you to fall asleep." "Okay." Lance agreed as he placed his head in Chris's chest to use as a pillow. "Goodnight, Chris." Lance said as he closed his eyes. "Night, Lance."

******** \[^v^]/ ********

The next morning Chris woke up and couldn't place where he was, he looked to his left and saw Lance sleeping soundly. He remembered last night. He got up from JC's bed and walked over to Lance's bed. He gently shook his shoulder, when that didn't seem to work he started shaking him until he woke up. "Lance, come on. Wake up! We have to go get JC." This seemed to work in waking him because as soon as those words left his mouth Lance opened his eyes and sat up. "JC." he said as he stood up. He grabbed some clothes and ran to the bathroom to change. Chris just shook his head as he walked to his room as quietly as possible, trying not to wake the others as he got some clothes and went to change.

When they were both changed, Chris walked by the kitchen to get some poptarts. "Come on, we don't want to make JC wait. You know how much he dislikes hospitals." Chris said as he grabbed the keys to the van. Lance nodded as he followed Chris out of the house quietly. They got in the car, Chris turned the keys in an attempt to start the van, it wasn't working though. "Come on Lucille, don't fail me now." He muttered as he tried again. "You named our van?" Lance asked, holding in his laughter. "Yes, I did, so what? It's not like you don't do weird things." He said as he tried turning the keys again. It still didn't work. "I think Lucille broke." Lance said. Chris sighed as he let his head fall forward and hit the steering wheel. Somehow that action seemed to start the van. Chris lifted his head up slowly, a smile forming on his face. "You're in luck, Lance. Now let's go get your man." "Oh, shut up Chris." Lance said as he took a bite out of his poptart. They drove off to the hospital, arriving a few minutes later.

They walked in and asked for JC at the front desk. They were told that they could go up to his room and then they could leave. They thanked the nurse at the front desk and started towards the room. When they reached the room, Lance knocked on the door, he then proceeded to open it. "JC?" He asked quietly, not wanting to disturb him in case he was resting. He found him sleeping. Chris nudged Lance's side as he said, "Looks like you'll have to wake up sleeping beauty." They both looked over at JC. Lance sighed. "I guess, I mean we can't just stand here and wait for him to wake up." Lance said as he walked over to JC. "JC, it's time to wake up. We need to go home now." He said as he shook JC gently. "Five more minutes." JC muttered in his sleep. Lance looked at Chris for help on what to do. "Hey, I'm not the one crushing over sleepy head over here." Chris lifted his hands in the air to show his innocence in the matter. "Fine." Lance replied as he sat down on JC's bed next to him. "JC, it's time to go home. Come on." Lance brushed JC's brunette hair out of his face. As he did that, he saw how JC's blue/green eyes fluttered open and stared up into his own green ones. This action only was enough to take his breath away. "Good morning." JC said, his voice still groggy. "Hey, how are you feeling?" Lance asked. "Better." JC replied. Chris cleared his throat. JC looked over to him, "Hi, Chris." "Hey, C. Ready to go home?" Chris said as he approached him. "Yeah." JC smiled as he got up.

When the guys left the hospital, they drove by the supermarket to get some food. "Wait, why are we here again?" JC asked Chris as he pulled up in the supermarket parking lot. "We're getting snacks and junk food so that you feel better." Chris replied as he got out of the van and started walking inside the supermarket. Lance got out and opened JC's door for him. "Thanks." JC smiled. Lance smiled back and they walked to the supermarket, following Chris.

When they got home they put all the snacks in the front of the house. Chris unlocked the door and Lance helped carry the bags inside. They saw Justin and Joey sitting on the couch. "Where did you guys go?" Joey asked as he turned around to face the guys who had just come in. "We went to pick up JC." Chris said casually. "JC! You're back!" Justin ran to hug him. "How are you feeling?" Joey asked as he stood up from the couch. "I'm feeling better, thanks." JC replied. "So, you guys wanna watch a movie?" Chris asked. They all nodded in agreement as they settled down on the couch and got out their snacks. Things were looking all better now. Well, anything will seem better when you are with friends.