Live And Let Die

3

Niall's POV

I always wonder how certain things flow through people's brains especially Cattie's because there are little periods of time every now and then where she gets really depressed, I know she tries not to be, but I wonder what makes her so depressed. I know she's suicidal and she has never self harmed but she has been admitted to three mental hospitals for attempted suicide. It scares me to think that it could ever happen again, the fact that she's been getting bad again is what is really scarring me now because I know that at any moment I could lose her, the girl I love, for good. Then I have no idea what I would do.

Now let me tell you something about when you go to mental institutions, they are a very very sad, scary, and creepy place to be because you hear all these screams and voices of the ill unhappy patients that are stuck like that in that god awful place forever. They walk around the colorless place taking pills and shots, they look so drained and lifeless and all of it is to keep these people under control. It's sad because a lot of those people are stuck there lifeless and basically captive. It's also sad because you know that the people working there don't care that much about their patients, just do what they need to do to keep them in line and alive. As for the people that aren't there perminately they have certain doctors there that do what they need to do to get them stable enough to leave. That place is scarry because you see people walking around in straight jackets or chains like they're in a jail. It's a jail for crazy people. They keep people there that have killed someone or crazy things like that and those people are just there walking around. The lack of color and liveliness makes the place creepy too. It's just this huge concrete building that contains these sad liveless souls who walk around trying to find their sanity as they take these pills that drain them of themselves. I have never been in such a sad place. It's a hospital for souls.

Cattie's coming over today hopefully I can talk to her about the way she has been latey.

.

*ding dong goes the doorbell*

I run downstairs in my white t shirt, grey sweats, and black socks then open the door to meet her beautiful face.

"Hey CJ." I greeted her.

"Hey," she says walking in the door setting her stuff down on the bench along the wall, said hi to my mum, then we walked upstairs to my room.

As soon as she walked into my room she went straight to the iHome then turned on the song "Counting Stars" by OneRepublic and said "dance with me"

We danced around in my room to that song. She was so happy today, it was really nice to see her like this.

When the song was over I held her in my arms then gave her a kiss on the forehead saying 'I love you'

She replied "I love you too."

"You seem really happy today," I said as she sat down on my bed.

"Yes I am, why?"

"I don't know, you have just seemed really upset lately. Are you having another rough patch?"

"Yeah." she huffed, "But I'm pretty sure this one is over hopefully. It just really sucks though because I don't know if it's really getting any better."

"What do you mean?"

"Because I go through this whole cycle where I am all good nice and happy, no bad dreams or flash backs then it starts to creep back little by little and it's starts to get bad again then it gets really bad for a little period of time then it goes away little by little and I'll be fine for a period of time then the whole process starts again. It's really frustrating because it hasn't gotten any easier to deal with, I still have all the crying and the depression and anxiety and the dreams and flashbacks. I just want it to get better and easier already and I don't know how to make it any easier. I hate the feeling of breaking down every single time that happens and I hate all the crying and depression, I just want a way to shut it off and get better already. I understand that it is something that will be with me forever, but I just need something that I can control or just a little bit at least. I'm so tired of this shit." CJ explained.