The Howards

Chapter 17

The day before my wedding, I locked myself in S.Angel's study room, grabbed myself a book of Wuthering Heights. Rick has gone back to his firm to settle some paperwork and cases before the wedding.

Karina has been going in and out of the house to check on the reception behind S.Angel.

Gemma and my mum are doing last minute facial, manicure and pedicure which I gladly rejected since Karina will be here tonight for our girls night.

Ray who will be walking me down the aisle, continue to work and decided not to provoke any women at home. Randall has been working in his room ever since that night. I can only see him during dinner or when the four of us are hanging out in Dream Lake.

I will be exchanging vows with Maverick Howard. I will soon become a wife. I will soon to have my own gallery. I will soon have my own family. I frowned. This is pre-wedding jitters, Karina warned.

The door opened, Randall sauntered in and narrowed his eyes when he found me at a corner, "You look..."

"Please don't tell me I look hideous. I should have gone to the facial session with mum and Gemma."

Randall chuckled, closing the door behind him and plopped beside me, "Calm down. I was about to say you look nervous. How are you?"

"I'm fine. This story is screwing me up," I lied.

Randall put his both hands behind his head, took a glance at me and smirked, "You can't lie very well, El."

I sighed. "I'm nervous. I'm afraid that I won't do a good job. It's the pre-wedding jitters," I hate Karina for teaching me that term.

He raised his eyebrow, "You will be a good wife, El. And trust me, if you fall, my dad would just laugh it off and pull you back up again."

"That's not a way to calm me down, Randall." I rolled my eyes and tried to read my first sentence again.

"I'm sure Wuthering Heights will stress you more. They died in the end."

I glanced at him, "Huh, you read it before?"

He shrugged, "I owned these books, El."

I burst out laughing. The whole bookshelves are all fictions and self-help book.

Randall rolled his eyes, "Stop laughing, woman." He sighed. After a few minutes of silence, he sat up, "I'm going to go and get ready for the bachelor party tonight. We are going hunting, by the way. No alcohol or strippers,"

I smiled, "Thanks Randall."

He did a mock salute. Before he could leave, I called out for him, "Have you ever loved me?" I just want to know before I put it behind my mind.

He tensed and turned back to me, "If I say I did?"

"Why didn't you say anything to me? Why did you push me away?"

He hesitated, "I wasn't sure of myself, El. I hooked up with girls and I moved on too quickly. I didn't want to hurt you. I was afraid, Eleanor."

I gripped the book so tightly.

He continued, "After that night, I thought maybe I will try to get you out of my system while you're away to college. I thought maybe I was just confused with my feelings."

"Thats why you were hot and cold with me. You pushed me away even more." I looked away from him, things are finally piecing together now.

"Yes," Randall said, his voice cracking, "Then I realised I couldn't get you out of my system. I can't get you out of my damn head, El. I've never been so lost after you made your decision."

I swallowed the acidic lump in my throat, "How can you do this to me? Why didn't you fight for me? Randall, I would've choose you."

Randall brushed his hands roughly on his face, "Don't say that, El. I used to think I would go down on my knees just for you to rethink your decision. El, I have never given you up willingly before. I was just too late,"

I finally looked up at him, surprised to see his eyes filled. He looked away, "Do you know how hurt I was, when I realised you're no longer looking at me like how you used to? Your eyes, it  shines. When I turned around again, your eyes stop shining for me. I used to think I can stay away from you, El. I used to think time can heal everything. You were wrong,"

He crossed the room in few steps and held my face in his hands, "I don't think time can ever heal the love I have for you. You have no idea how long I've waited to say this."

"I loved you too," I admitted, "So much that it broke my heart when I realised you gave up on us,"

"Eleanor," Before he could continue, I kissed his palms, staring into his blue eyes, "Rick has given me his entire world when you decided not to fight for me. For us,"

"I'm sorry," He pulled me closer, brushing his lips against mine. The kiss filled with regret and things that were left unsaid. I pulled him closer, embracing the hug, "Goodbye, Randall."