NOTES TO YOU...

WHERE ARE YOU?

DEAR PATHETIC YOU,

So little one, have you had a stressful week? You seem so strangled today, so lost, aren't you going to tell me what you've been doing?

Maybe I lost the honor of knowing, you barely seem to talk to me, but I am not so easy to leave and I know you will keep coming back to me. You use me but I don't argue like others do. You cry in my lap as I gently pat your back. 'Seems like today you have a lesson to learn!' I whisper and tell you a tale to teach you a lesson or two. It is a game we play but you run away. When you seek for me I am not even hiding.

But today you seem different. I feel your soul detaching from mine. Are you running away or living life?
Have you found new friends? Have you been spending too much time with them that you barely have a few seconds to remember me? You forgot me so soon? I am not hurt but I am disappointed. I build you a life and those and those pathetic creatures break it. I fix you again and you go unarmed to bleed again. Why don't you follow my simple instructions? Is it so hard to obey for once?

It is that great right now and this conversation bores me. Teaching you a lesson doesn't seem like quite a fun activity, so I let you go today. I know what you feel and I know the guilt you carry in your chest. Here is your lesson that you will never practice.

So he wants you back but you have already moved on. So he keeps texting but you are already done. He keeps coming back and that upsets the poor you. You are aware he will leave another day with a silly fight. He will come back to you standing right in your eye-sight, and he will repeat the silly phrase 'Of all the times we have fought and I have chosen to leave, I have returned because you are so important to me.' And let us not forget a recent add 'You are so cool!'

Now this all might sound cute but let me remind you all the things he said before he left. Let us start with our favorite "Ungrateful". Ah there is the tear rolling down your cheek. Ungrateful you! What a darling lover you have. Remember how awful he was to you just because you wanted to slow things down? Bad memories? Sorry!

But sweetheart weren't you selfish to keep him in your life because he understood your illness? You can call him bad but you are no good either. So he gets it when you say things are not okay with you. So he understands that the future is a tough survival for you but does that mean you need to have him in your life? No!

Sure he has been there for you a number of times but that doesn't mean you haven't been there for him too. You held him in the dark, you let him in even when you were done with humanity, you accepted his proposal knowing someone else is in that heart of yours and what not poor you. And what does he call you? Ungrateful? That is harsh considering he is no prince charming.

But you won't let him go now, will you? He made you miserable but you will let him stay. He hurt your feelings but you won't let him go away because that is just the kind of person you are. You aren't bad. You can't hurt his feelings because you know that sometimes he needs you and you know he is a troublesome kid and you want to be there for him. You are kind and beautiful!

But you see girl, the more you keep letting him in the harder it is going to get for you. He isn't the one hurting because he got what he wanted but you? Where is your freedom? Where is your wish? Where is your key?

Yes you are young. Yes you have a long life to live. Yes you have every right to not see someone if that is what you will so what keeps you strangled in this labyrinth? Why don't you just let him go? How much pain do you choose to bore?

Today surprisingly I am not against you. You are a victim and that is hurtful. You need justice but you won't ask for it. It has been half a year, and he has already given you so many nightmares.

Wait! I got it! You are scared of him and scared of what he might do. He has temper issues and you know he will use it against you. My darling I can't believe you. He is nothing but weak and you know it too.

Words hurt and I know his has hurt you a lot. You were trying to build your relations again, but he always ruined it. Now I am not going to talk about what you deserve and what you don't because you get what you must in the end.

I know that you will never fix yourself or this, so I am not saying anything. You go get hurt and learn the lesson the hard way and I will be here arranging you some tissues to cry on and a pillow to scream in.

Now here I got personal with you but I taught everyone a lesson or two. This doesn't only happen in toxic relationships but even in friendships, in every kind of bond that is to subsist. Now you can either kill yourself like "you" currently or take my wise words and say 'I am not okay with this!'

A lot happens in everyone's lives but that doesn't mean you forget your way home and start taking diverging lanes. I am the only one you have till you die and the only one who is going to keep existing within you till you sink into a deep slumber forever.

I guess these are small words I am going to regret saying and sorry my speech wasn't preach worthy. It is just that when you are lost I feel lost too and when you are not okay a needle pierces in me too. I don't know how long it will take you to come back but I hope you are doing okay. I have one question in my head which I am afraid to ask but I speak bold, and so I ask- Where are you? I almost miss you!