Will you have me? Ben x Devi fanfic

Devi's POV>

We made our way to the dinner table, I was feeling a little bit shaken up. Mom, Kamala and Ben were chatting. I only heard a few words... I wasn't paying attention. I couldn't stop thinking about that conversation with Ben. It was getting to me, I couldn't get my guard up. I couldn't put on my mask, I couldn't act tough anymore, not with him right next to me, I felt naked. The sensitivity seeping into my bones was making me uncomfortable. I felt naked in front of those gorgeous blue eyes. Why was I feeling like this? I'm not sure I like it anymore. I think I over shared, I was too vulnerable with him. He saw right through me. And I hated it. Sitting next to him was too much for me, it made me uncomfortable. He had seen me. He had seen me upset, he knows my secret. I'm not as strong as I look. Why did I do this? Why did I have to show him this side of me? The real side?

And just like that, my sadness turns to anger. It always seems to. I wanted to flip the table and tear this place apart. Destruction. The feeling of heat in my veins pulsing through me, tugging me to let it out. I balled my fist, my legs were buzzing, I couldn't sit down anymore. At the exact second I was about to get up, (and knowing me cause a scene I would regret) I felt a hand on mine. A cool, calm, hand; Bens' hand. I looked at him, his face, took him in, I studied it, getting caught in his eyes. My breathing slowed and my lungs stopped feeling so tight. Concern, care and Heedfulness. His lips were slightly parted and his brown hair seemed messier than usual from when I kissed him. I remember the way my hands were tangled in his hair, I smiled. He released my hand. "Kamala I don't understand how you don't just marry him! Why date him? How silly is that?" I heard her sigh, "Aunite I was to have the dating experience, you don't understand." She said with multiple hand movements. Ben and I looked at each other, an understanding that was mutual in our eyes.

How did he do that?

That's what I was asking myself. I'm not sure how but I've never been able to calm myself down when I'm angry. It just happens. I don't know how to stop it, now that I think about it, why was I mad? I'm not sure. I become a different person with anger. I don't quite appreciate who that person is, but it's me nonetheless. I wish it wasn't. "So Devi, how's school going?" Mom asked me. I felt myself lug out of my head, and come back to the real world. "Good." I replied to her. "How's work going?" Her eyebrows raised slightly. "Good as well, you've never asked before." She stated, a look of sort of disbelief on her face. I quickly glanced at Ben, his eyes attentive to my actions. Could it be because of him I had asked? Maybe he's changing my selfish ways... OK I'm looking was into this. Calm down, it's not that deep. Yeah. That's what I tell myself. Not that deep. "Yeah." I give a laugh. I wasn't sure what else to say. How did you even reply to that? Ugh I wish I was more social. Like Kamala. Mom was always going on about "Kamala did this!" Or "Kamala did that!" Like okay I get it, she's a better daughter than me. No need for the reminder...

For the rest of the dinner I was pretty quiet, not much change from the beginning. The only person that seemed to notice was Ben. He noticed, he always did didn't he? Warmth travelled down my body, he cared. For some reason, it didn't make me want to crawl into a hole and never come back. I know, you're thinking 'Devi, why do you want to crawl into a hole because somebody cares about you?' I don't know, tell me! Dr Jamie-Ryan says "Devi, you've got a lot bottled up inside you. Now I know you might not want to, but you gotta if you want to heal." After me protesting she always seems to drop it, but the funny thing is, I always feel my heart clench until the subject is dropped, the thought speaking about my dad makes me feel fear.

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AHHHH HELLO!! We hit 400 reads everybody, thank you! Please keep leaving comments on what you think, it helps me to stay motivated and give me ideas! Tell me if you want me to change anything, and I will try to if it fits my plot. This chapter is a little bit shorter than the rest, but it too wayyy longer than the last 2😭 Our main character (Devi) has some VERY complex emotions, and I'm trying to understand her thought process and convey it well to you guys. Hope you enjoyed! And please vote if you liked it.