Will you have me? Ben x Devi fanfic

Devi's POV>

"Devi? Why is benny here? I thought you were coming alone for dinner." She said in her usual voice. The casualty of me coming for dinner with him, and her being okay with it, made me feel at home. How crazy was it to hear her speak to me with love... I'd always wanted this. Ever since dad died, it was never really the same. I remember, a few months after he passed, I had come to the realisation that she had become cold, and it would never be the same.

*flashback*
I was sobbing. I clutched my bedsheets harder, I missed him so much. I'm not sure how I am going to live without him. Why hasn't mom been giving me her usual hugs after school? She hasn't been making me school snacks anymore. I wish she would act the same, it doesn't feel right anymore with her... maybe she hates me. Maybe she hates me because it was my fault dad was dead. All my fault. I heard what she said, it broke me. Shattered me into pieces... my own mother did not think I was good enough to be her child. I'm worthless, I really am. I wish I could just be like my father... he always knew what to say. I missed him so much. I cried harder at that, my hand over my face begging me to not make any noise. I didn't want my mom or Kamala to know I was crying. That would be so embarrassing. God I hate this, it's hell without him. How would I live my life with such a broken family? No father, my anchor. The person who would soothe my tears when I cried and help me when I was weak. My mother never did any of that, not because she didn't want to, (I don't think) but more because she didn't know how. And she definitely doesn't know now... nothing will be she same will it? No matter how hard I try... it will never be the same.

*end of flashback*

"Devi? You uh- you okay?" He said, his soft voice floated around me, grasped me and slowly pulled me out of my memory. My facial expression faltered. 'Stay strong. You've actually got him to think you're worth something. Don't mess this up.' I pull myself together, feeling a tiny bit of coldness left in me and used it to sew my vulnerability shut. I hated feeling vulnerable. It's the worst feeling in the world. I don't need someone to talk to, I can't let them know I'm not actually as strong as I look. At this point the only thing I've got is my cold exterior from thinking I'm a complete, traumatised loser. I can't destroy that as well. My thoughts collected as I came back with a clear mind, my words bouncing off the walls of my head and down to a part in my stomach that gave me my might. I realised I still hadn't answered moms' question. "I decided to bring him here because I want to." I retorted, it came out colder than I wanted it to, but I was okay with that after remembering her six words; she is no daughter of mine. "He's lonely mom, you have to understand." Her eyes went soft and she complied. I'm not sure why, but when I mention him being lonely she seems to always allow him here. Could be useful in the future.

As we walk to the dining room Kamala comes down the stairs "Devi!" She delights. "It's wonderful to see you, I was hoping you would come back." She said in her voice. I did smile at that. There was something nice about her persona, it made you feel at ease.
Kamala and mom were doing their usual chat, it went something like this; "Auntie let me do the dishes, I don't mind." "But Kamala you are our guest! Guests do not do dishes!" It was rather funny to hear them bicker about. "Devi are you okay?" I turned to look at Ben who seemed out of place. I have him a quizzical look, saying 'why the hell are you asking?' He looked shocked and voiced his concerns "look- I mean- I'm not sure, you looked a bit startled back there, you know. When we first walked in..." I stared at him blankly, not having processed his words. "I mean- I just wanted to make sure you were okay." That. That was reason #1 I fell in love with him. He cared. It made me go soft, I wanted to reach out and touch his shoulders and press my lips against his cherry red ones, but mom would never let him in the house again, no matter how lonely he was. I can already hear her words if she found out "Kamala this is not okay. Do you know how serious this is? One day you're kissing a boy next day you are pregnant at 15 with an illegitimate child!" She gasped at the word illegitimate, no matter how Americanised she is, she is a proper Indian. I smiled at the thought. I felt Bens' stare on me, and it brought me back.

"I'm okay, Ben." I game him a smile that was true, it was one of the only smiles I gave these days that weren't fake. Come to think of it... a lot of my real smiles come from him. "Okay, if you say so." He said, a warmth toned his voice. Without knowing what I was doing I grabbed his hand and kissed it. 'I love you.' I said in my head. I couldn't say those outside yet, but it felt okay in my head. He didn't know how safe he had just made me feel. He didn't know how strong he had just made me feel. He made me feel loved, and that's more than I could ask for. I might not ever open up about all the sleepless nights and cries I've had, but if it's going to be with anyone, it's going to be with him.

Just knowing he cared, was enough. I think it would always be enough.

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HI GUYS!! I felt so motivated to do this chapter after all of your nice comments, thank you guys so much!🥰 I hope you like this chapter, I really included it because this is how I imagine Devi's mind to be, and how she processes things. I think her fathers death did affect her but she doesn't really want to seem like a girl with a traumatic past. Please keep commenting and let me know your thoughts on this story so far.