Will you have me? Ben x Devi fanfic

Ben's POV>

And I woke up with a jolt, my body snapping upright. I'm breathing rapidly. I can only hear my pants and my heart thumping out of my chest. All I remember is so much stress. Everywhere. I think I remember falling asleep crying.

Did I... cry? I hadn't done that in ages. It had felt odd, the salty drops of water coming out my eyes and dripping down my cheeks last night, but heck did it feel good. It felt good to let it all out, I could consider doing that more often... no. What am I thinking? In fact, I made a mistake last night. I should've just been the man and kept in inside, just like my father always told me. His words exactly "A mans job in life is to exude power. Crying like a little woman is not power. Remember that, son." I felt a little stab to my heart, I remembered the words like they were said to me yesterday. I look around and see Devi, the person (if I recall correctly) that woke me up. I groan and lie back down, I had still been in my upright position for too long.

Her hand still on my side, from when she shook me awake, only a few seconds ago. Or was it minutes ago... I'm not sure. Time always seems to be subjective when I'm with her. Her hand is warm and a shiver runs down my spine, I feel my heart flutter. I turn my head to look at her, my eyes still squinting. She's so beautiful... her hair is dark like chocolate and her eyes sparkle like diamonds. She has this little line in her forehead that appears when she's worried, I'm not sure why, but it's showing right now. It used to be there are lot more often, I'm glad it hides itself away now. I want her to be happy. Her lips are slightly parted, they're quivering. They look cherry red and soft. I wish I could just lean in and kiss them. I wonder how they would feel... I quickly assure myself  'don't be stupid Ben, you've already felt them.' But oh god if they felt anything like they did in our first kiss... the side of my lips curve up slightly. I think that she realised I'm studying her. My mind wonders off again... what time is it again? Tension rises is in the room, I'm not sure why.

"Are you okay, Ben?" She asks, I stare off into space. God, I must look like shit. I hope I don't have traces of my tears or anything, that would be the most embarrassing thing I could show to Devi. My vulnerable side. I didn't even like showing my vulnerable side to myself, yet alone a whole other human being. "Yeah..." I say. It sounded too unenthusiastic. So I simply tried again "yeah!" I instantly regretted it. What was that? She looked at me weirdly, her lips moulding into a slight frown gathering at the side, but then let out a soft chuckle. "You're so funny." She said, I rolled me eyes in my head, if I actually rolled my eyes I would look ridiculous. It doesn't suit me at all. A giggle rose in my chest, "no I'm not." I said sheepishly. "Yes you are." Our eyes caught for a few seconds, it was dim in the room but I could still see her golden orbs twinkling in the dark. I wish she could stay here forever. Her crouched my my side. If I could wake up to those eyes every day, maybe life wouldn't feel like such a chore.

Maybe I wouldn't want to disappear into my dreamland every time I wake up. Maybe I wouldn't want to escape reality. Maybe... maybe not. Oh well, no point dwelling on it now. I'm not gonna waste my time on her beautiful eyes. I wish I could just move on already! Just stop thinking about them... okay. I'm not thinking about them. I'm not thinking about them... f*ck. Yes I am. Oh well, it's not like Devi is randomly gonna wake up one morning, decide to march into my room and say "oh hey Ben, mind if I be super sexy and crouch down near your bed so you can... look at my eyeballs?" Yeah now that I put it that way... maybe it's not as romantic as I thought.

I feel my body become slowly featherlight, and I'm just about to get up, and walk into a little carriage with blue curtains. It's got soft seats filled with foam, and huge fluffy pillows. Its' smooth rythem lulls me to sleep as it glides along the train tracks. This train has endless snacks. That's the life. This is my dream train. It's the train I take every night that gets me to my little stories and episodes. And, yes. You heard it, that's what I'm calling it. A "dream" train.
But it's too good to be true.

I'm pulled back to reality when I feel her warm hand move from my back "goodnight Ben." I jolt, "no, no stay." She turn to look at me, "well I can't stay here forever mister." She says teasingly. I wish she would just lie beside me... then I would feel her warmth and I would feel safe. "Can you just stay?" I asked, I didn't really care at this point, my vision was hazy with sleep and my mind was too tired to feel nervous. I just wanted her here, that's all that mattered. Her eyebrows softened, and she smiled a little, which made me smile (of course) her smile was contagious. "Okay, sure."

She walked over to the other side of the bed, my heart was pounding. The whole sleepy thing... yeah that was gone. All I could think about was her being next to me. She got inside the covers, the crisp white sheets rustling about, the only thing that you could hear in the room. My body was frozen, completely. I felt a hand on my ribs, I flinched. 'Okay, Ben calm down. Calm down. It is not a big deal. Not a bi-" and my thoughts are cut off. I feel a kiss on my cheek. I quickly turn my body to face hers, she's got her head resting on her hand, with her right elbow propping her up, her hair is messy and her lips are pink. I put a hand on her waist, I can feel her shiver. Is there a change she may feel the same for me, the way that I feel for her?

I lean in, and kiss her. Her lips are so soft, and so sweet. She tastes like honey. It's a pretty slow kiss, I can feel her lips move against mine, she's breathing hard. Suddenly I'm on top of her, my hands on either side of her, kissing her rougher than before. She lets out a little whimper, I feel something jump in my boxers. My eyes widen and my brain works before my body, I'm still kissing her, and I'm still hard. It takes everything in me to pull away, I'm shaking. It would be the most embarrassing thing on earth if she caught me hard, she probably doesn't even like me like that. She'd be disgusted, for sure. I turn over to the other side. The tension is thick in the air. The silence is loud in our ears. "Uh... Ben? You okay?" I hear her voice, she sounds softer than usual. More vulnerable, more sad.

Did I upset her? Hurt her? I hope I didn't. I would feel like I'm the most horrible person on earth if I did that, she's an angel. You don't just hurt an angel. "Yeah, yeah I'm fine." A pause arises in the air. "You?" I ask, desperately trying to make this situation better. I'm still hard, I can't get that whimper out of my head. "Yeah... look I'm gonna go upstairs. Night, Ben." She says, and my heart breaks.
So I did upset her... "Devi I'm sorry, did I upset you? It's not that I didn't want to kiss you It's just that-" "No, it's fine. I'm fine, Ben. Goodnight." She walks out of the room, the closing of the door making me jump. Suddenly I'm so mad at myself... why the hell did I need to do this. I feel like screaming, the thoughts in my head are so loud, but the silence is deafening.

I try and sleep, but I kept tossing at turning. I couldn't forget the way she said my name, it was like she was disappointed. I messed up, and it's not okay. I'm freaking out like a girl or something. What am I gonna do? I'll talk to her in the morning, she's probably asleep by now. I imagine her body in bed, her lips curved into a little smile and her chest rising and falling. I feel myself finally feel at ease, and the last thing I remember thinking is 'Goodnight Devi, I'm sorry.'

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HELLO EVERYONE👋 I'm so happy, we hit 5k views! This is a huge deal to me, thank you so much. The thought of 5 thousand people reading this story I've created is sick🥺 I spend so much time on these it's insane, and the fact you guys are kind enough to leave you're amazing comments is heartwarming. I read every single one so please carry on commenting! I've read your ideas of making Ben and I'll definitely be seeing what I can do :)
Hope you enjoyed this chapter, sorry for making it such a tease🤣 I was wondering, if Devi and Ben eventually have s3x, would you guys like me to actually write it out, (smut basically) or just describe the feelings and keep it PG? Please let me know in the comments, otherwise I'm just gonna keep it PG haha😅 Anyway, thanks for reading and STAY SAFE AND STAY INSIDE AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE! Thank you💓