Light up the Sky

t h i r t e e n

     Maya

Frick. He's such a good kisser. We stand there, on the bridge, kissing each other holding each other tight. He's holding my back and slightly tilting around like slow dance. He makes me feel so good. I'm ambushed. By love. I think. How can that be!? I don't believe in love at first sight! This is all just a complete dream. Till it isn't. I feel the sudden need to breathe air, which I hadn't apparently been doing. I moan away, and take a deep inhale. I smell the river beneath us, I try to focus on the gushing of the water, like crisp oil, wavering as it collides with the rocks. "I'm so so sorry... I- did I do something wrong?" He stutters. It takes me time to answer that, having the liberty as I already busted the best thing that's ever happened to me. I pushed him away as if it was an assault. I try my best to focus on everything around me, the most random of tunes and voices of the birds, echoing in and oddly satisfying harmony. "No I'm the one who should be sorry," I say turning back to him. He doesn't look that focused, which I don't think he can really do, with his vision and stuff. I walk closer to him, to see that he's teary and has swollen red eyes, and an impractical expression. "I'm- I really have never felt this way before, you know-- with you, I mean I feel like the light bulbs's broken, dipping the shards and the wire in the chemical that explodes it. I can feel the spark. Deep down though, what I keep asking myself is if I'm really understanding you. I need to know a person before anything and it is killing me, not knowing what inside you, that is bothering only you, and not me." He sniffs. He takes shaky breathes amidst completing his sentence. I feel bad. I haven't really been honest with him. Of all the years, the happiest I've been, is with him, so honestly, as he said, I have to be more open about who I am, because no one likes falling in a trap with no sunlight top of it all. "I haven't been open about myself. Point noted. It's a long story... I mean it has been consecutively going on for as long as I can remember, that it might change the way that you may or may not," I quickly add "feel about me."
"You're funny. Nothing would EVER make me feel different of you, I hope I make that clear now." He winks. I feels like I'm falling into an endless abyss. I'm feeling the sinking feeling in my chest again, not a bad one, but like a gut feeling you get when you know that this is the right track. "Buckle up, for my miserable life!" I say as we walk back to the pole of the bridge.
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"Darn." He says after I dictate him the story. It's been like one hour and Fifty-five minutes, so I try to kill the down vibe in the air, and ask him to head home. We walk back the rest of the way silently, until we reach the back of the house. No matter how quiet I've stayed locked up in my room all these years, I feel uncomfortable from all this silence. Alvin too realises this, and takes my hand. I feel the warmth of his hand, and feel like melting myself into him again. I hug him, but it doesn't overwhelm him. He leans in, and we stand like that for some time. I don't want to, but I peel myself off of him. A single lonely tear rolls down my cheek, and he wipes it with his hands. He takes some time to clear it, as it's dark now, so it must be harder for him to see than it already is. I feel the spark that he mentions, and we both lean in at the exact f-ing time to kiss each other. If he doesn't understand me like a soulmate in my small world of humanity, then who even does?!