Light up the Sky

s e v e n t e e n

Maya

Approx. 26 days before. I stare at the ceiling fan and eventually shiver with inconsistent urinating habit. I haven't peed in about 19 hours. When your kidney efficiently works, it sends down the urine through the urethra, to your bladder. A small, timely sustained sack which zips and let's your urine transit out of your body. But when you tend to forget, rather ignore, your regular urinating routine, your little sack tends to signal the brain for permission before you piss your pants. If your brain is stubborn, well I don't think so. Your bladder being unable to withhold the urine for a minute longer, sends it's back up the tracts into your kidney, with all the foul and infectious waste which was to be disposed, NOT carried back. This causes a kidney infection. You might ask my naïve behaviour and honestly, ridicule it all you want.
The whole reason is how unexpected it was. Not my death date, but the fact that your efficiently working body doesn't work quite without permission. Not that efficient. Your kidney tonight have such an unexpected reaction to your entire fuss over being so stubborn not to let your pee extcrete. It's like all the cabinet ministers being disappointed at what they believe was a brilliant, coming-of-age idea-- for which they should have got a pat on the back, --getting returned for re-drafting. The unexpectedness of a situation puzzles me. And so does the with that I have over my bodies' functioning.

I wear my black converse jacket, a baseball cap from the games my dad went to, and go incognito. But I need to pee because darn, this shit makes me pace like a sneaky granny. I sit on the cool porcelain for 15 minutes, and pee with excruciating pain. My headed hurts now, and so does my abdominal area. But I go down. It's not sunny. So my mom won't kill me on her own finding out what her mijá had done. Her precious pebble had stepped out aimlessly--well she had aims, but to what seemed like a high school party, with drugs, alcohol and well...-- in the open. Rather "in the wild".

I go down the window itself. My bone marrow without has some issues, but I think I can make this fall. I fall. No thud, Just pain. Excruciating pain. It's about 5:46 p.m., and I'm in the small area between the fence and brown grass backyard. Scrunched like a snail, I stay there, unable to move at all. I snuggle, and scream as I try to flip on my belly, but turn back with a thrust, as I need to gather some more energy to get up completely. So I just lay there. And well, look at the sky. A few stars are shown. I see them twinkling down at me, and I blush as I imagine them being small scattered freckles on my cheeks, I see myself having a loop of rays on my head, and a never-ending white lace gown. And he was there too. Dressed in a white, and creme tux. Having the most eye-catching features up here. Wherever I was seeing myself and my loved ones. Loved ones. Did I love him. No. I. Cannot. I stumble once more trying to rid the thoughts from my head. And I succeed. I stand straight up. I get up, twist my self gently, and scramble throughout the bushes, and come up front. I hear someone else sniffing. I hope my mom hasn't returned from getting the meds. But after landing through the suddenly erupting blinding heat and light from my right side, I see Alvin.

"Maya, go back in," he says like the caretaker he thinks he is.

"No." I repel.