Dear Dan (A danisnotonfire fanfic)

Epilogue (Dan's POV)

The funeral was the worst bit. By far.

It was in Tayla's hometown. There were overcast skies and sobbing everywhere. And every angry look was aimed at Dan.

Helena by My Chemical Romance started to play as four men dressed in black brought out the small coffin and laid it down in the grave. Roses adorned the varnished wood, along with pictures of Tayla, her friends and family. Tayla's parents came forward, crying, to say their final farewells. Lilly, dressed in a black dress, looked confused. Mandy sat back down next to her husband and glared at Dan, and he wished the world would just swallow him.

Dan caught the eye of an almost ginger girl who sat in between a short, brown haired girl and a taller, longer haired girl.

Hannah, Hannah and Katie. Dan cursed. Now he had to apologise to them for watching their best friend die and doing nothing about it. Just as he was about to go and say something, he was stopped by a tall, dark haired boy, about Tayla's age. He had a quiff, deep brown eyes, a strong jawline and a scowl.

"Hi?" Dan felt slightly intimidated.

"I heard you're the guy who was with her when she died," the boy said in a deep voice.

A surge of guilt gripped Dan and anchored him in place. He was unable to move, unable to speak. The reality of what he had let happen came crashing down on him. All he could say was, "What's your name?" Dan cringed as soon as he said it. That wasn't the right thing to say. Whoever this boy was, he was a friend of Tayla's and not in the mood for small talk.

The boy ignored his question and continued, "I just want to let you know, I will never forgive you for letting an amazing girl like her go so easily. You should have tried harder to keep her. Girls like Tayla don't come around every day and you are a jerk for letting her slip away from you. Got it?"

Dan nodded. He had no response to the accusation and the boy didn't wait for one. He just slipped away, merging into the growing crowd of mourners. 

After what seemed like a lifetime, the funeral ended. Dan tried to find Tayla's parents, but what would he say? I'm sorry I couldn't save her. That would sound pathetic. In the end Dan walked up to Mandy and opened his mouth to speak when she turned on his with surprising force. 

"Don't come near my family ever again," she hissed.

Dan bowed his head. He didn't blame everyone here for hating him. Before he could muster a response, Mandy had turned and left, leaving Dan stood alone. He sighed, looked at the gravestone and muttered a goodbye under his breath, turned and left the cemetery. 

* * *

The following months were unbearable. Reading and re-reading the letter from Tayla, trying to make sense of who she wanted Dan to be with. Phil desperately trying to cheer Dan up. Dan letting his emails and Tweets build up, not making a video for weeks, leaving Phil to handle their Gaming channel on his own.

After bad experiences with the opposite sex in the past, and now with the passing of Tayla, Dan had gradually given up on girls. They're complicated, unusual beings who confuse simple minded creatures such as men. He didn't think he'd ever be able to look at a girl in the same way again, not now, not with the weight of Tayla's untimely death playing on his mind day and night.

One day Dan was settling down to sleep at 4am after editing an existential crisis/apology video, and everything fit together. The video had, in a way, allowed him to let go of Tayla and get his mind clear so he was able to think more about the letter. Now he understood it, and realised something he should have realised a long time ago. 

Dan's heart felt a little lighter when a certain person talked to him, and a little heavier when they stopped. Dan felt like he could trust this person with anything, including his affection. This was the same person who attempted to soften and bear Dan's grief, who made the ingenious idea of green velvet cupcakes and followed a Delia recipe for decorating them, who stood by Dan's side no matter what, who was smart and had figured out Tayla's words long before Dan had. This was the person who Tayla wanted Dan to be with, and this was the person Dan realised he wanted to be with.

This person was Phil Lester.

* * *

Dan couldn't wait because if you do something in the spur of the moment, doubt doesn't have time to cloud your mind. Dan charged into Phil's room and shook him awake.

"Dan?" Phil sat up in his bed, groggily rubbing his eyes. Dan's heart raced as he saw Phil was shirtless but forced his eyes to stay on Phil's.

"Dan why do you look happy?" Phil croaked.

"Even though I'll never forget Tayla, I have to respect her final wish. I didn't know what it was until now, and that makes me happy," Dan grinned.

"And her final wish was..." Phil prompted, a childish light appearing in his eyes.

"I had to find the person I'm meant to be with, and I think I've found him." Dan eyed Phil, willing him to catch on.

"Him? But you're straight..." Phil looked a little lost but something in his expression said he understood what Dan was getting at. Dan managed a weak smile and that made Phil blush pathetically, which to Dan was adorable.

"Apparently not anymore," Dan said before leaning in and kissing Phil on the lips. It took Phil a split second to understand the situation and kiss back, lacing his long fingers through Dan's.

Dan pulled back to see Phil blushing furiously. He joined Phil on the bed and kissed him again.

Phan: confirmed.

Author's Note...

 Thanks for reading and congratulations if you made it all the way to the end without getting bored (I'm working on the editing, it's just not happening very quickly). Could you vote it if it's worthy and comment (possibly with ideas for another story if you want) Thanks y'all xx

This story features me, my best friend Hannah and my other best friend Katie. Dear Dan is dedicated to another of my best friends Tayla (who is alive and healthy by the way but she has a very serious crush on Dan Howell...) so, Tayla, hope you enjoyed it and didn't fangirl too much :P xx