Imagine: Donny Pangilinan

M

moved on.
lost you part ii.
(they say 'no closure' is also a closure)

[a/n: please play the video above]

"Can we talk?" A familiar voice said as he reached for your wrist and stopped you from entering the car.

You looked at him before letting out a sigh.

"Kuya John, okay lang po ba'ng maghintay kayo saglit? May pag-uusapan lang ho kami," You said, not breaking eye-contact with Kuya John because if you do, you're gonna end up wanting to meet Donny's gaze instead.

"Kuya John, ako na po bahala sakanya. Ihahatid ko na po siya, mauna na kayo," Donny added.

Kuya John looked at you for a confirmation. You slowly nodded and that made him walk back to the car and start driving away.

"Why did you leave?" without any hesitation, Donny asked you that one question that he has been wanting to ask you ever since the day you got in that plane.

"Why does it matter, Donny? You're happy. We've all moved on," You lied. You haven't moved on yet. You know this. But fake it 'til you make it, diba?

"Are we really gonna act like this? Do you wanna be petty? That's not what I came here for. It's not a hard question, y/n."

"If it's not a hard question, why do you need an answer? Can't you come up with your own?"

"Is it because you didn't love me enough?" he asked and then you lost it. tears started streaming down your face.

You didn't answer because you were afraid that as soon as you opened your mouth, you'd end up hurting him and yourself even more. Thinking that if the truth can kill, telling him the truth would probably put both of you six feet under the ground.

"May iba ba, y/n? Nagkulang ba ako?" lumunok siya. Randam mo kung gaano niya pinipigilan ang sarili niyang umiyak. His voice is trembling but he's doing a good job at holding himself together. Better than you.

"Kasi yan lang mga naisip ko'ng dahilan para iwanan mo ako. Mahal na mahal kita, y/n. Sobrang minahal kita kaya pinalaya kita. Pero bakit parang ako yung hindi makalaya?" pagpatuloy nya pa.

Suddenly, you wanna rush towards him and embrace him with all your might.

"Walang iba, Donny. Ikaw lang. Ever since the beginning— it has always been you. You were more than enough, never kang nagkulang. Dun pa nga lang sa pag amin mong mahal mo rin ako sumobra ka na eh. I loved you so much that I had to go,"

"Masaya ka naman na sakanya diba?" dagdag mo pa. "She's filled in everything that I wasn't able to. I know. I know because I've prayed for her for you. I prayed that whoever she is, that she would make you happy more than I made you happy," You reached for his hands and intertwined it with yours.

Ang tagal mo'ng hinintay to. Ang mahawakan ulit siya nang hindi lang sa panaginip. Sa wakas, may alaala ka na ulit na mababaon.

You traced every inch of his hand, taking it all in, reintegrating everything into your mind.

He pulled you closer and you ended up resting your head on his chest. You can feel his heart beating so fast. It made you feel special again— thinking that you still have this impact on him.

"She makes me happy. But you made me feel contented," He said, still trying so hard to act composed while you have been crying for the longest time now.

"Y/n, please. This is the last time I'm going to ask something from you. I need this. You know that,"

"Donny..."

"Please, let me go. I wanna make her happier— more than I made you happy. She's my world now," you can feel your heart break into pieces.

So this is what they meant when they said 'words hurt more than actions do' because you can literally feel the broken pieces of your heart punctuate your insides.

The pain radiated all throughout your body. They say it's just a broken heart but you're hurting all over.

"I love you that's why I left. You might not know the reason why but you will in time. She will tell you. I hope that's enough for you to start walking away. Donny... just allow yourself to move on," you looked at him one last time and imprinted everything about him in your memory— from the tips of his hair to the edges of his jawline.

He pulled away from the hug and slowly nodded, "Minahal kita. Sobra," aniya pa.

"I know, Donny. I know," you whispered.

He drove you home and you barely spoke to each other during the ride. That was your last vivid memory of him. That same year, he moved on. But you never did.