The Sorrowful Mysteries

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Logan

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Logan

David

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David

Kon

I close my eyes, as I try to dissipate the thought of the anger and pain, I try to heal myself by blocking Madness and by blocking it away. I Dare not to open my eyes, steadied my feet to the ground in the middle of oblivion, a clueless child, torn between forgiveness and Revenge, preservation and Self destruction, Giving up and fighting, suddenly the thought of me once living with having nothing, a weak person who chose to live with an empty stomach because I know nothing and all I can do is just give love and make others happy. Soft, gullible, innocent and foolish.

I have to stop.

I cannot do this anymore.

I am exhausted from being strong. of trying. of convincing myself that I am invincible. That I am Able. That I am a fighter. That I am not a Sinner. a Self righteous Devil.

But then Again, Every time I fall, I bounce back on track, first of all why did I even start to become someone I am not and now.

Chaos, everything is not happening according to plan. When I was about to break down I heard a faint creek of the wooden floor just outside the bedroom, probably Logan, walking to and from outside worried sick about me then the door opened, slowly trying not to trespass. For now I surrender, I'll let him in, maybe I need his presence to lift me up from this tragedy. Just this once

"I am sorry if I barged in," He said.

I stared at him, motionless, exhausted and hoping that he does not notice the sadness in my eyes, the concede, the weakness and the tears.

"I have been calling you, knocking but you are not responding, How are you?" he stuttered.

"What do you want?"

"I want to make sure you're okay"

I am too weak to utter a word.

"You don't have enough sleep yet and you did not touch the food I prepared on the dining table"

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