F***in' Arizona

Straight from the Horse's Mouth Pt. 12 (Chapter 42)

Ari's P.O.V.

It had been a few months since I last saw Nova in person. She requested that I give her the space she needed, and I was willing to do that. I'd do anything to gain her trust and love back. I missed her like crazy every day, but I understood that she didn't want to see or speak to me.

I also knew that because I had romantic feelings for her and had become sexually intimate with her, that there was someone in particular that I needed to speak with. So, after that day my brother and I left she and Maya's apartment, I called one of my best friends.

"Arizona Matthews! It's so good to hear your voice my man!"

"It's great to hear yours too Remi."

That's right, Remi. He's still one of my best friends and if you remember, he is one of Nova's ex's.

I felt the need to call him because he is my best friend and he and Nova only broke up because he had to return home to Ireland. I'm also the one who paired them together. And I do remember a time when Remi asked me to take care of his girl, but I'm pretty certain he didn't mean for me to fall for and fuck her multiple times.

I owed it to him to tell him and to apologize.

"How's it going there in L.A.? I hate that we don't get to talk more often because of time differences, and you know, we're busy being adults," Remi said.

"I know man. I hate that shit too. I still want to come over to Ireland one day and see your beautiful country! But for now, I'm still here in L.A. with Dakota just living life day by day. I used to want to settle here for good, but I don't want to do that anymore. Too expensive and too much going on. Plus, the earthquakes are a major bitch to deal with."

"Oh, so you're thinking about moving? Do you know where?"

"Nah, not yet. And who knows when that will happen. So, what's been going on there?"

"Well, since the last we spoke, I got a promotion in that difficult job I was telling you about! The one that kept me after my internship. I'm a project manager now. I love it and my team is full of really cool and respectable people. I can see myself being in this company for a long time. And I've got a girlfriend now! Her name is Abby. We've been dating about a month. Don't laugh at me, but she's actually my flat neighbor and we had one of those cliché first meetings when she first moved into my building a few months prior."

Remi had a new girlfriend?? This is great! This means the blow of me telling him that I had sex with his ex won't be as terrible.

"That's great Rem! I'm glad that your company saw the value and worth in you and decided to keep you on and promote you! Not many people get that privilege after graduating college. And it's great to hear you say you have a new girlfriend! You really like this girl?"

I am really trying to soften this blow.

"Thanks man. Yeah, I really like her. I mean, she's no Nova, if that's what you're getting at, but Nova and I aren't meant to be together. I will always cherish in my heart the time we spent as a couple, but we're too far apart and my life is here. She'll always be a dear friend to me though. You still taking care of her like I asked?"

Welp, here it comes.

"Of course, man. In fact, I wanted to talk to you about something dealing with her."

"Ok. Is she alright? Everything good?"

"Yeah, yeah, she's fine. Well, she's dealing with heartbreak right now."

"Heartbreak? From whom? Do I need to beat someone up?!"

"Uh, from me."

"You? What do you mean?"

"I uh, I hurt her. Not physically! No, I uh, broke her heart."

"I don't understand. How did you do that?"

"Well, a lot has changed man. I came out to my family but now I identify as flexible, or semi bisexual, if you will. And if you can see where this is going, I somehow developed romantic feelings for Nova, and she for me. We really liked each other and hooked up a few times. But I... when I came out to my family it caused a huge rift between my father and I and I ran into Charlie—"

"Charlie?! Your ex?!"

"Yeah. Anyway, Charlie and I got intimate briefly—"

"Wait, after you and Nova expressed liking each other and hooking up?"

"Yes. It was a huge mistake and I was clouded by all these emotions from my dad and I should've been making better decisions and being smarter and being careful, but I just wasn't thinking about any of that in the moment. All I was thinking about was the memories I shared with Charlie in the past and the yearning for love and acceptance like that again. I was so clouded that I didn't even think about how I had that with Nova until it was too late. Charlie played his part and I unfortunately played mine.

I went back and told Nova about it the next morning and was completely ashamed and she rightfully left me. I deserved it and more. I haven't seen nor spoken to her for a few months now and I miss her. I miss her every day and it's my fault. I could be holding her in my arms right now but all I'm holding is regret."

Remi was silent. All I could hear was his frustrated sighing, so I uncomfortably continued speaking.

"I'm so sorry for hooking up with your ex. I know sleeping with your best friend's ex is against the code. I wasn't expecting to catch feelings for her, but I did."

"Ari," Remi says finally speaking, "I'm not mad that you fell for Nova. It was almost expected, I guess. She's an amazing person and you guys spent a lot of time with each other, so I'm only mildly surprised, but when I left, you were completely gay! But I did tell you to take care of her," he says chuckling, "But I'm more mad that you hurt her. That woman is full of love and passion and care. She's sensitive and loyal. She would have loved you to the end of earth and you know it. How could you be so careless with her feelings?"

Remi let go of a hefty frustrated sigh and it sounded like he set down a cup on a table as well.

"I understand that you have unresolved love for Charlie," he said after a minute of silence, "and I'm assuming you and Nova never actually started dating so no cheating between you two actually happened, but the two of you mutually decided to be invested in the other. I can tell how much you like her. Shit, if you're anything like how I was, then I know you really like her, so you need to get your fuckin' shit together and fix this. You need to mend what you broke and go get your girl."

Damn, I'm so glad I gained a true friend like Remi.
He was right and I knew it. I was careless with Nova's feelings and acted upon my selfish desires and it cost me the person of my dreams.
I really do need to get my shit together so that I can one day hopefully be the person of her dreams too.