Before The Bad - Volume I

~ nineteen ~

Jaxon

My eyes force themselves open, and I find that my personal unit is standing at attention. The sun is blinding, which only causes my body to roll onto its side, burying my head under a mountain of pillows.

I could've sworn my dream had been a reality.

I had felt her. Every single fucking inch of her.

I had taken Stella's virginity, something that I have always prayed I'd be able to do. I wanted to make it special; memorable. A milestone that she wouldn't regret. In the world I just returned from, she had loved it. I kept telling her how much I loved her, and she had complete say in everything.

I frown at the irony consisting of her realistic hatred for me, knowing that scenario will never, ever, happen during my lifetime. Maybe, just maybe, if we were somewhere else, in another time, we would be endgame.

Maybe she would've forgiven me too easily and we could've made love to each other for the entirety of last night. But life isn't that simple for me nor Stella. It's a true piece of shit.

My life is miserable, unfair, brutal, and just overall useless. Just ask my father. He'd agree.

He's been onto me lately about building some muscle, which is easy enough. Working out is a good excuse to let out my life's worth of anger. My shooting ability is up to his standards, however. At least the old bastard is proud of something I do.

Mom's birthday is coming up soon and that alone is enough to send my spirits plummeting to rock bottom. I haven't had much free time to even think of just Stella, but she lingers in the back of my mind on a loop.

It's getting worse, being without her. She's about the only good thing I have going for me. Had.

I lift my hand to my right cheek, practically feeling the indent of Stella's handprint. I wasn't expecting her to slap me. That proves the future of us: inexistent.

According to Stella, we are done, but I won't let her slip away that easily. Not when I worked hard enough to get her in the first place.

Blocking the sun from my eyes, I bolt up and retrieve my phone as I head to the bathroom. My face falls when I see my newest notification.

One missed call from Stella.

Just underneath the grey bubble reads, one new voicemail.

My chest begins to rise and fall at a dangerous pace, and I practically collapse onto the closed toilet seat. She called me and I fucking missed it. Of course.

With shaky fingers and a pulsing heartbeat, I manage to unlock the cracked piece of shit and tap the alert. Stella's traumatizing voice exits my speakers, and I screw my eyes shut.

"I'm so sorry...I'm so, so sorry for whatever I've done. Even though, you should be the sorry one because all I did was confess my love for you, and you completely disregarded it. But then last night...I'm so confused. So, so confused."

Her voice is shaky, half of her speech unintelligible. My lips part, shocked to hear her apologize. She thinks this is all her fault.