Before The Bad - Volume I

~ sixteen ~

Stella

It's after midnight when I text Liam. I'm reluctant to do so, but I just don't see another valid option. What's holding me back?

Jaxon.

I tie my shoelaces tighter in frustration.

I haven't been able to escape him for the past few days and it's all beginning to get to be too much. I love him, and the sole satisfaction that he wouldn't admit the same ruined me. I don't think I'll ever be able to fully recover from that blow.

It would've been different if he hadn't been my first love. That title just made the entire situation worse.

I think about Jaxon's appearance today in the cafe, and it results in even more confusion. He heard Connor, somehow, and stuck up for me. Why?

He never liked me. He just used me. And I'll never understand the reasoning behind the felony.

"Meet me at the end of my street in 10," I type out to Liam, my cold fingers assaulting the screen. It's almost the end of October, which has turned the nights chill. My phone pings just a few beats later.

"Whats up? Are you alright?" is his reply.

My teeth chatter. I pull my hoodie up over my head.

"Yeah...no. I'm not. Please just come."

"Yeah, I'm coming. I'm coming."

The poor kid probably thinks something is very wrong, but it is, isn't it? I'm hurting, and I miss him.

I've never given Liam and I any thought of existing as more than just friends. I've always been too caught up in Jaxon's messes to think about someone else. Ever since his and Genevieve temporary relationship a few days prior, I've felt a longing for him.

Jealousy.

For awhile I couldn't figure out why, but I've now determined it's because I have feelings for him. A part of me knows that Jaxon knew that, too, and made it a game. There's nothing off the table when it comes to that fucked up boy.

I force my legs to move faster as I near the stop sign, the wind whipping against my back.

Mom would kill me if she ever knew I was walking the streets of Toronto past dark. Not to say my neighbourhood isn't safe, but we're just minutes off of downtown. You can see it from the clearing down by the end of this street. The place where Jaxon and I used to meet, and now where Liam and I are meeting.

I let out a whine of built up air and finally approach the end. I look both ways before crossing the street. The road is dead, of course. Nobody with any sense of sanity would be walking around at this time.

I sit on the bench that overlooks the blinding lights that belong to the city, and curl my knees to my chest. I glance at the empty space beside me and remember what it was like to have Jaxon there. Just centimetres away from me, available for anything.

If I focus enough, I can imagine him there, his eyes averting to mine and a boyish grin accompanying his golden cheeks. I wipe the tears away before they even dare to fall, straightening my back and turning away.

The abrupt closing of a car door causes my thoughts to fall away, and footsteps crunching in gravel grow closer. I jump up before I even see him, finding him and barreling into his arms.

I've clearly caught him off guard, because he lets out a soft groan as my arms squeeze his body into mine. He rubs my back, his cheek leaning against the top of my head. Liam doesn't hold much of a height advantage against me like Jaxon does.