Divine Purpose

Chapter 25

The sun blaring in through the thin blinds woke me up from my deep slumber. I fluttered my eyes a bit as I took in a deep breath. My nose got a good whiff of an earthy smell with a hint of ocean breezes. How you could capture ocean breezes was beyond me?

Wait? I grabbed a fist full of the silk covers and realized I wasn't in my room. Oh, right... Memories of last night flooded my mind. Why did he have to be such a jerk? And why did I always fall for the bad boys? It was hard for me to believe he was an angel at one point. 

Was this my fate, my divine purpose; to live a lonely life and fall desperately for all the wrong men? Sometimes life felt so unfair. But maybe this isn't what God wanted for me. If it was in his plan, his will than nothing wrong can happen. Why was I even complaining about a little heartbreak? There were people starving of hunger or fighting cancer. 

Pull yourself together Laken. I got up and headed for the bathroom. Of course it was big and fancy and practically the size of my entire room. The rain sprinkle showerhead was calling my name but I rethought my idea when I realized I was still wearing HIS clothes. 

I settled with the mouthwash because I was more than certain my breath was stinky. I even brushed my hair a bit but it was completely chaotic and disastrous from the rain. Well it wasn't like I cared about impressing anyone this morning. Cal made it perfectly clear we could never be. 

I softened my footsteps as I approached the living room. The exit door was so close but once I realized my car was still at the hospital my attempt to leave disintegrated. Oh poooh. I was even willing to take the walk of shame in my efforts to get away from him. 

Cal was apparently already up and wide awake staring off into the sunrise from his balcony. I went and sat in the chair next to him. Yup I was right. He had an incredible view. It was like we were right above the whole city but in a different retrospect. 

"I'm sorry," his voice was husky from sleep.

"What?" I played dumb. I really just wanted to hear him say it again. I don't think he said that word often enough. 

"I'm sorry," he repeated. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I couldn't seem to control myself last night."

"Does that happen often? Do you have a record of attempted rapes?"

Yeah, I was pushing his buttons but he deserved it and probably must more. 

His jaw clinched but quickly retracted. "No. I was really just doing you a favor."

If I had my gun in my hands I probably would have shot him in the private parts. How could he be so cruel? "What do you mean you were doing me a favor?" I repeated completely disgusted. 

"It's not healthy; those feelings you have for me. One day you'll see that and be repulsed by it." 

Wow. I think I get it know. He's afraid; most likely of rejection. He thinks I'll see him for what he truly is and run away. Or maybe he thinks I'll find someone better, more holy, and leave him in the dust. And here I thought I had the bad relationship issues. 

"I think I know by now who you really are. I've seen the monster you can be and yet I still couldn't stop those emotions from bubbling up and burning your imprint into my heart. You couldn't even let me choose. You decided for me and you know why?" I leaned way over so he could get a clear look at my face. "You're a coward."

His veins popped up and his face neared mine. Inches apart I could almost taste his rage of humiliation. 

"I'm a coward?" He dared me to continue and I gladly did so.