Chapter five
"Luke?" Alice popped her head into Alaska's bedroom. "Are you okay?"
"No." I said, not trying to hold back my tears. I didn't care that she was seeing me cry, I didn't care about anything right now.
It felt good to cry. All the times I've held back are finally coming out, and it feels good.
"When will this emptiness go away?" I spoke. "I feel like I'm trapped in a damn void trying to get out but there is no way of getting out. I'm just getting older, Alice. I want to be somebody, not just some crazy ass loner boy." I wiped my eyes. "I'm sick of everyone I care about dying. It's not fair, you know."
Alice sat on the bed next to me, placing her hand on my back and rubbing circles. Her thumb scanned my cheek, wiping a single tear away. "I know, Luke. You don't deserve anything you've been through."
"Why are you talking to me? You could be somewhere else living your life, but instead you're here comforting a stranger. Why?"
"Because, Luke," she started. "Everyone deserves someone to talk to and right now, you have no one. We can be friends. I will help get you through this."
I let out another sob, sinking my head further into Alice's chest. She rubbed my back and played with my hair, something my mother use to do when I was upset. Alice rested her head on mine and kept telling me it was going to me alright. I believed her.
We left Alaska's parents house. I told them where Alaska was buried so they could go deliver their condolences towards their daughter. Despite the bad news, they were grateful that I came to them. If I hadn't, they would've have found out for a long time that their kid was dead. It was a pity what they were going through, it really was.
We said our goodbyes and promised to see each other soon even though we all knew we never would see each other again. Meeting one another again would just bring back horrible memories to the both of us, and that's something none of us wanted to go trough again.
Alice walked with me. We walked in silence, but the silence was comfortable. She offered me a couch to sleep on in her apartment, which I gratefully accepted. Alice was being so nice to me, which was something I wasn't use to.
The night had fallen upon the city and it light up with radiance. All of the tall buildings were illuminated and all of the trees were decorated with lights. It was a beautiful sight.
The night was cold and crisp. I'm going to have to buy a jacket and some clothes soon. Stars danced in the sky and the moon was a quarter, probably searching for the other part of it. It's crazy how we have only seen one half of the moon from earth. Never the other side, just one. The moon is always partly hidden, just like me, just like Alaska, just like every human in the world.
We arrived at Alice's apartment around eight o'clock. She asked what kind of pizza I wanted, and I said pepperoni. She told me that was her favorite kind of pizza and she sent me a smile and told me she likes me already. I didn't understand how someone could be so cheery all the time. It didn't seem real. If probably wasn't real.
Is anything real though? Who knows. Maybe Alaska is still alive. Perhaps I am just simply in a coma or even I am dead. Maybe I'm the crazy one and Alaska was just an image in my mind. She was never real. She was a figment of my imagination. That's it. She was never even real.
I wish.
Alice's apartment was small and simple. The walls were painted a light yellow and there was a grey couch and matching chair in the living room with colorful pillows and girly blankets and shit. There was a bean bag chair and a treadmill on one side of the room and a connected kitchen on the other. Off the hallway was her bedroom and bathroom. It was a typical house for an eighteen year old fresh out of high school.
I lounged on the couch, not saying a word. The television was on some program I wasn't really paying attention to. My mind was somewhere else at the moment.
Alice came over and handed me a glass of water and some pills to 'stop my headache and help me sleep'. I thanked her.
She disappeared into her bedroom and came back a moment later, handing me a pillow and a blanket to sleep with.
Alice threw some clothes at me. "They're my brothers," she said. "He left them here a while ago. You can sleep in them." They were a pair of flannel pants and a plain black shirt. I thanked her again.
I was told to answer the door when the pizza man came so Alice could go and shower. She told me I could shower if I wanted to, but I told her I'd take one in the morning.
The doorbell rang. I got up from the couch and went to the door, opening it and taking the box from the man.
"That'll be fourteen fifty."
I handed him the money and shut the door without saying a word.
I placed the box on the counter in the kitchen, opening it and then closing it again. I wasn't really hungry.
"Pepperoni," a familiar voice said. "I prefer barbecue chicken, but pepperoni is okay too."
I ripped my head towards the voice and saw her.
Alaska was sitting on this couch, looking at me with wide eyes in the kitchen. She looked breathtaking, as usual. Her long blonde hair fell down her back like a waterfall. Her face was pale but her cheeks were blushed with a soft rosy color.
She was in front of me, and I couldn't believe it.
"Alaska?" I rushed over to the couch and sat down next to her, grabbing her body and taking her in for a hug. She smelt sweet like usual and my heart suddenly wasn't as broken.
"Hello, Luke." She smiled.
"How are you - I - Alaska, you died." I touched her hair. It felt so real.
"Did I?"
"Yes," I lost all words. I was too caught up in the fact that Alaska was here in front of me. "Is this real?"
She touched my cheek. "Does it matter?"
"No," I told her.
Alaska laughed. "Thought so." She connected her lips with mine and the puzzle was finally complete.
A/N: I really tried not to update three times in a row but I couldn't help myself I was excited
I promise I won't update for a lil bit
have a wicked week and stay young,
sam
