Chapter eleven
Alice fell asleep tangled with me on the couch watching Christmas movies on Hallmark. Alice's head was on my chest and I was twirling her hair in my fingers watching her sleep. Her lips were lightly parted and her eyelids looked so fragile.
I couldn't sleep. All I could see was Alaska and how broken she looked after Alice and I kissed. I felt bad, I don't know why. She was gone and she wasn't coming back, but the way she kept coming to see me, or the way I kept imagining her, was driving me crazy. I was sick of it. Sick of her visits, her tears, I was sick of her in general at the moment.
Alaska was an amazing person in the asylum, but she's gone now and I have the right to move on, don't I? Just because she died unhappy doesn't mean I can't smile. Just because she's gone doesn't mean I have to be gone too. Actually, I've found myself and Alice has helped me a lot with that over the past week.
That empty void in my chest is filled and I've finally found my happy place. Not Neverland, but Wonderland. Neverland is a fictional place only in the novels. There's no second star to the right, no Peter Pan. . . I may have been a lost boy but they don't exist either, not the ones from the story at least. Tinker Belle is fiction, there's no pirate, there's nothing, but I hope Alaska found that happy place.
I turned the telivision off and figured that I might as well get some sleep. The room was silent and I felt myself drift off into a slumber, but then something woke me up again.
"How could you!" She yelled, tears pouring out of her eyes like a tidal wave. "You told me you fucking loved me, you prick! How fucking could you!"
"Keep your voice down," I whispered.
"NO. Fuck you, Luke." She wiped her cheeks with the sleeve of her sweater. "Say something."
"I did love you, Alaska. I still do. You were my first love and because of that, I'll never forget you. You died, you are gone and you are not coming back and I'm going to move on, okay? We can't be together anymore."
"I'm here though, we can be together. You can join me."
"No, fuck you," I told her. "I'm not dying just to be with you. Besides, who knows if there even is an other side? Maybe we just rot for years underground, who the fuck knows."
"Luke -"
"No, let me talk," I interrupted. "Alice makes me feel alive, Alaska. You're just a constant reminder of my misery. so let me be fucking happy, would you?!"
She was crying histerically again. "I'm stupid for ever loving you, Luke. You were a waste of my time, I should never had ran away with you! I'd be alive, in the asylum, learning to get fucking better! But no, you convinced me otherwise and fuck you for that."
I rolled my eyes. "Whatever, Alaska. Whatever floats your fucking boat because you know what, I'm glad we ran away together and it's your fault you didn't want to live, not mine. Not because we ran away or because we were out or in Canada, but because you didn't want me to help you become happy. That is why. You're only my imagination, please stop, Alaska. Please."
She screamed and continued to sob, getting in a few "fuck you's" between wails.
Then the fire alarm went off.
Alaska started laughing. "Looks like you left your stove on."
I pushed Alice off of me and ran for the fire extinguisher. "Did you fucking do this?"
"No Luke, I'm only a figment of your imagination."
She was gone.
Alice woke up as soon as I found the fire extinguisher and putting out the fire in the stove, luckily without there being any damage to the rest of the house.
"Merry Christmas," Alice said.
We laughed and for that moment I forgot about my crazy exgirlfriend stalking my mind and the fact that she possible could be trying to ruin my life. The only thing I cared about was Alice's laugh and how it was a beautful sound I wouldn't mind hearing everyday for the rest of my life.
Firemen came a few minutes later and we told them what happened and they examined the stove to see if it would catch fire again. Alice would need a new stove, but she said it was under her renters insurance or whatever so the landlord would pay for it. There was an electrical problem with the stove apparently, but I didn't necessarily believe that.
The thought of telling Alice about me seeing Alaska ran through my mind, but I pushed it away. She'd probably think I was crazy and that I should go back to the asylum and I didn't want that. I wanted to stay here with her and live a normal life, not go back to that hell hole.
The firemen left and Alice said she was going to go back to sleep, seeing as it was 4:30 in the morning. She took my hand and led me to her bed and told me I could sleep with her.
Her bedroom was too dark to see, so I held onto her hand and let her lead me towards her bed. She got under the covers and I joined her, wrapping my arm around her body and pulling her close to me. I rested my head above hers and placed a kiss on her temple, humming lightly to some tune as I watched her fall sleep again.
"Goodnight, Alice," I said, before falling asleep as well.
A/N: i tried resisting posting this but i couldn't srry i have a problem
