Fragments/// R. J. Lupin

One: The Beginning

I've thought of many different ways to go about this. Fuck, I've even started to look up sources. But, I realized something: the psychological aspects of a broken heart isn't just something you can look up and connect with. I, being a future psychologist, regularly try to put psychology into certain areas and situations of life to figure them out and to understand them better. But I feel as though I will sometimes use psychology as a front. It's like a little cocoon that's nurturing and protecting me.

The psychology of a true broken heart isn't something you can just learn about. It's raw. It's detrimental. The true "ism" of broken hearts are the raw emotions. It's the pain that cuts deep. So with a lot of soul searching, I present to you: The Psychology of a Broken Heart.

The symptoms of such problems include: crying, the feeling of hopelessness, denial, foggy mind,and the physical pain you feel in your stomach.

There are many case studies of a broken heart, but call this one a personal one. This may be one of the rawist, real writings that I've ever done. I refuse to write my story behind a character anymore. This is real. It's stripped down. This is me. I can't even hide behind a fake case study. I can't pretend I know all about psychology. I just am tired of fucking lying.

This so-called case would start off with me, Archer. I am sixteen years old. I am very much so a writer. I am a performer. I am an artist. Most of the time I forget about this; I forget how good I am at what I do, and it causes me to lose myself. But the truth is, as much as I absolutely love psychology...that's just not fully me. I look into the more...creative aspects of life.

When I feel something, I feel it wholly. There's no made up fake-ass bullshit.

I know you're thinking, why the hell is she telling me this when this is supposed to be about the broken hearts? Well,it goes like this: you're gonna get a backstory. You're gonna learn why I know what I know, and why I'm writing what I'm writing. I am the author of my story and no one can tell me how to write it.

Now, backstory.

I am a very passionate person. Whatever I find interest in, I will always put my 110% effort into it, but, I'm also a follower. That's a big flaw of mine. I follow people, because I am purely unsure of my actions. I am very well aware of this, and I know how fucked up it is. What I want actually, is to live in this perfect world. And I know you're thinking, uh, that can't happen. Well guess what? I'm a creator. I am a dreamer. I am a planner. And I will always fight for my happiness.

Except, the line about me fighting for my happiness? Yea, it's a lie. I just follow what everyone wants me to do.

I've never been taught real responsibility. I've always been the person to never own up to my mistakes and to blame them on other people. I've been alive for 16 gotdamn years and it's taken me a while to get my shit together.

How did I get my shit together? you may ask. Well, it's a really fucking cliche answer.

I met a boy and he wasn't like any other boy. This boy... loved me more than I loved myself most times. This was the person who stayed up with me hours upon end just talking about random shit. And I fell in love. One of my most favorite quotes is by Hazel Grace from The Fault in Our Stars. She tells the readers, "As he read, I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once." It's so fucking typical, but it's true. I fell in love with his personality. I fell in love with our dumbass conversations. I fell in love with my best friend. Life was honestly fucking great.