Dear Gamer boy

I believe in you

Dear Gamer-boy, 

 It all started when I was six, when we met in first grade. I don't remember everything but I do remember you. After that year you transferred to another school. After that yer I never thought i'd see you again, just like my trail of forever best friends. I was six so I couldn't have known that i'd see you again. Most people that have disappeared from my life, just stayed gone. I barely noticed them because I found my first distraction. He had really beautiful brown eyes. They were enchanting, almost as if they transported me to another dimension. The strange thing is that he was never in the other world, it was just me and the allusion that I was happy.

Now I know for sure that it was just my mind messing with me. I was never really interested in getting to know him. It's like being on autopilot if the default setting was happy. It's not knowing what's real and what's not and being content with it. Things always seem more simple than they are. Emotions are always very different to navigate. 

We all just get to a certain point where we need a distraction. I use boys as my distraction. I like testing my reaction to the things I say and do. I guess they liked messing with me too because they'd send me mixed signals. This confused the hell out of me because I didn't know if it was part of the game or not.I didn't know if I should play along or end it. Eventually the problems solved themselves. 

My first distraction dissipated over time. The second one left in two ways. First. he wasn't really there anymore. I was beginning to lose his attention, but who cares. That's when the impossible happened. That's when I saw you again. 

I ended up trying to be friends with two other girls. Then our group expanded from three girls to five. Then, I realized that some of those girls are toxic and fake so I took my best friend and left them. That's when I began to hang out with you and your friends and even sat with you at lunch. You guys were genuine unlike those girls.

Eventually you guys introduced me to anime. I liked having something to talk to your friends about. I know that those guys were your friends, but I appreciate how nice they were to me. They tried to make me feel like I belong there when I clearly didn't. I still remember our plan to all go to Japan one day. As ridiculous as it sounded, I believed we could actually do it. I guess I spent way too much time in fantasy land. I should've known that it just wasn't possible.

We weren't all destined to be friends. They were never my friends, they were yours. I never connected with them like you did. I do wish them well though. They were really nice to me. You fit in with them. You were nice to me too.I still remember what you told me at graduation. The whole moment when you grabbed my hands, gazed into my eyes and told me that even though you were moving away, you'd come back for me. It was a magical moment that felt like we were the only two people in the world, like it would be me and you against the world. It felt like in that moment, our souls combined and our hearts became one. 

The only problem is that you left and we lost contact. I know in my heart that you'll find me. I know that either you're my soulmate or I've actually gone insane. I hope that this is real and not imaginary. I want this to work and for us to be soulmates. The more I think about you, the more I realize that you're not here. I had do what I did before and put myself back on autopilot. With that, one of my friends left and this time, for real. 

After he left, I found my squad. There were two problems though, one of them was fake and I needed a new playmate. I used one of your old friends as my next distraction. We sat at lunch together and sometimes he made me laugh. Other times I felt like I was talking to myself and that's because I was. Eventually people started shipping us and I had to step back before I joined them. He didn't get it and now we're not friends anymore. My female friend ended up helping me through that.     

                                                                                                                                                             xoxo, Mysterygirl