Rainbow Adams..
People look so funny from my window like little ants trying to get somewhere for this day that is about to end soon but I can't really tell if it's day or night because the sky has a odd colour that is really setting people off. I deicide to walk back to bed and try to get some rest since I've tried to get some sleep last night but my neighbour was keeping me up by talking herself and screaming ''PARKER PLEASE COME BACK !! I'LL CHANGE FOR GOOD THIS TIME!!'' I prayed all night hoping that she will calm down and just accept that Parker will never return to her. I felt bad honestly, because she would always tell me about Parker and how much she loved him but he put her here in this Hospital due the fact she was Brain Cancer. She never understood why he didn't take her home and spend her last few months with him and die peacefully in his arms, but she will never know and just have to accept the fact he'll never love her and give her the life she always wanted to have with him. I think that's just plain selfish of him to leave her here and continue with life as if not knowing his wife is dying and all she ask of him is to just be here before it's too late.
As I think about death and time, I've realised that we all have a short amount of time in this life that we live and never come to think of the most important things that means so much to you. I have nothing important to live for but I really want to know what the true meaning of what it's like of living a full life until God unplugs your life support or takes you away so suddnely that you forgot to say ''I love you and I miss you'' to your parents before going off to bed. I have always thought that it was rocket sciences based on working on this earth then leave for the next person to have a chance of living since your time was up. Yeah, I think of alot of deep shit that gets me questioning myself or God but I keep on moving forwward until I know it will be my time. Call me depressed , but I've been thinking all my life why do I need to be here and what is my purpose of living when my time is coming sooner than I expected.
As I was drifing off to my unhappy place, my nurse Lily came in with my supper or lunch I really don't know what time of the day it is.
''What's going on in that head of yours, Rai?'' Lily asked as she places my food on the table beside me. Lily is my nurse ever since that I was diagnosed with Colon Cancer, she never left my side and I adore her for every little thing she does for me. Truly a big sister I've been wishing for. "Nothing interesting for you to sit and spoon feed me, Lily" I said as I sat up bringing the table closer to me and ready to dig into this soup she made me for me. " Rai, you're forgetting that I will always listen to you for anything that is bothering you, so out with it now" she sat down and looked at me with those eyes that I've seen the very first time we met. Terrified.
"I was thinking about what my purpose is on this damn earth even though my life will be cut off short due to some circumstances" I said, not even thinking about looking at her because I know she'll start crying. She hates the fact that I think too much about my condition instead of just living life and making the most of it. "For crying out loud Rai!! You're 20 for fucks sake!! Why are you wasting your time thinking about when you will die or how you will die instead of -" I looked at her with anger in my eyes just for her to stop because I know what she'll say and I'll fucking slap her this time." Living my life as everyone else, walking the damn street as everyone, play in the Sand as everyone but I can't Lily. I can't live like you.. You don't have to worry about dying or even have the slightest thought of it" I looked down at my soup, it's probably cold now and won't taste nice but I don't care I've lost appetite anyway.
"Rai, you're not everyone else, you're not me and hell you're not like anyone I've met before. But you need to understand that you have to make the most of your life before you'll regret it. I know you will, you're so beautiful and young please make your life worth living for " as she said that she got up and walked back to the front desk. I have to say her words cut deep and they piss me off because I know she's right. She's always right
.............
My first time
My first try
Hope you guys enjoy!!!
YOU ARE READING
Numb
RomanceI see the world in whole new light, but in my life I wish things were the way I want them to be.. Like how it's all played out in my head. But I guess it will never will happen. .............. Rainbow Adams faces the world with a whole new different...
