Mean

Part 2: No to Forevers

I was just wondering, what if...

If I didn't waste my time reading the horoscope that day.

If I only found out that he loves me when I already knew I love him and not on that day.

Maybe ...

I should stop the maybes. What's done is done.

Maybe it was meant to end that way and whatever course of action I take would still yield the same outcome. Hah, Here I go again with the maybe.

Anyway, going back to the story.

The change in my relationship with him started everything. Being with him triggered emotions in me, both good and bad. Happinness and Possessiveness (which would come much later).

Being with him, not surprisingly, made me happy. Happier than I've ever been before. Being in a relationship made him more attentive to me, add to that a touch of affection, and he was a boyfriend every girl dreamed of. And I have to admit that I like being in the receiving end of that attention.

But that's what all I ever did in that relationship, receive. I felt like I didn't give anything. Yeah, I gave more attention to him, but not at the level you'll expect a girlfriend to treat you.

I didn't text him just to say good morning or good night. I didn't give him anything on valentine's or any other occasion except birthdays and christmas. I didn't go out of my way to make him feel special. I never kissed him first. And I never told him I love him.

Why? Why I didn't give him more importance when he's the only one in the world who can make me happy?

Well, I felt like I was owed that attention.

He loves me and I thought I didn't love him. And I allowed him to date the perfect me when I didn't love him. So, I thought that's the least he can do and should not expect more from me.

Conceited, right?

To my defense, I treated everyone lesser. He was the one who has most of my attention. He's like my number one. But being my number one doesn't really have much perks.

Anyway, the beginning of our relationship is smooth sailing. He was content and he would take whatever I gave him. Even if it isn't much. But 'isn't much' won't do forever.

Now that I think about it, I think I had my first sign of realization that I love him when we were in our third year.

When I was in my third year in high school, I became more mean since now there's a lot of first and second years to push around. I bullied the younger ones, and said spiteful things, but I make sure that he wasn't around. He knows I'm mean but that doesn't mean that he has to witness me in action.

At that time, my family entered the destructive phase. I think mom had enough of my father's affairs and finally fought back. All hell broke loose.

It was a war everytime my mom and dad is in the same room. With them shouting, and my mom throwing things around. It was a disaster and I didn't want any part of it, so I spent most of my time on dates with him which is a good choice since I always had fun.

Then, he would take me home and I'll find mom and dad still at it. 

When I enter the house, they'll pay me no attention, not even a glance in my direction. And to think that they used to tell me they love me when I was young.

Anyway, one day he took me out on a date on the arcade. I don't really like the arcade much since I have my own game room at home equipped with all the latest and trendiest games. I find the games available in the arcade lacking. And in general, I don't play games much.