Help

Part four

*screams internally* then breakers down crying in a pit of my own stupidity and sadness.
"Why can't i do anything right, every one seems to know what they want to do but I've beary had any food today cause I didn't know what to eat my ..... mind hurts ... I feel numb .... I feel as if I can't speak my mind or else I'll drowned i some one else's words no one wants to listen to me!! I want to scream and yell and fine a dull pencil to teach my self to bottle up my feelings again the funny part is??
No one will ever know!!! No one will ever see this pain of mine yes it's on here. But for how long?? Will I get yelled at and accused of saying how my life is fine and purcky and that I should just suck it up and deal with it!!!!! I choose to live in my fantasy to except the pain I feel in my head or the pain I feel in my heart when i hear a door open and slam agencies a wall or a harsh lock being russled into place those are what hurt me the most!!! The mental fear I have agencies the simples of things
My heart rate spikes every time I hear my name being called thing that I'm in trouble even if I've done nothing wrong and no it's not gilt I know what that is I've felt it..... this pain hurts worse than guilt it hurts a lot worse .......