I Like Me Better When-

Kim Sol

"Morning honey!!!" your boyfriend greeted from the other side.

You sighed.

"Morning...Do you have some time today?"

"Woah, woah...did something happen? You seem off..."

Yes, your mood was crappy.

You couldn't think straight. BUT, you had to do it today.

It was today or never, before you changed your mind.

It was the hardest thing you ever had to or ever will do in your life.

"Uhh...well...its nothing." you lied," I just wanted to know if we could meet today." 

"I actually have a meeting with my mentor, but that can wait...Imma head right there and make you feel all better and-"

"We're not meeting at my place. Let's meet at the café we used to hang out in, while we were in college." you held back your tears as much as you could.

You couldn't break down now. You'd come this far. Breaking down now would only ruin things.

"What? Why?? Anyways...whatever you wish sweetums .I'm getting your favorite banana bread on my way. See you there." he hung up.

Guess he was a little sad, but that sadness would be nothing compared to the sadness you were going to cause him in an hour.

You reached the café in exactly 15 minutes. He was already there, with the brightest smile. The smile that could sweep away every worry you ever had. The warmest smile you'd ever known.

He pulled you into a hug as soon as he saw you.

"Aww looks like my pretty sweetums is in a bad mood today. But her boyfriend will cheer her up in no time like magic." he sang while hugging you tighter.

You felt so safe, so loved in his arms. It was all gonna end in an hour, you knew it. You didn't hug him back. He seemed alarmed by your cold reaction and broke free.

You both would usually kiss after hugs like these, but today was going to be different. 

Today, you had to break up with him.

"Jonghyun, I need to tell you something. Sit down." you sat down on a chair yourself.

"Okay...no way....are you...are you pregnant? Coz the last time I remember, I used protection." he seemed confused.

It ached to think about the last time you both made out. How you thought you were only going to do it with him and only him. Everything seemed so distant now.

"Its...well...its...I'm getting married." you blurted out.

He did nothing but stare at you for 20 seconds.

"Okay...don't tell me Hyuna told you about my plan of proposing to you. She swore she wouldn't tell you." he ran his hand through his hair. 

You were BEYOND shocked. Had Jonghyun planned to propose to you!? This was getting harder.

You bit the inside of your mouth to prevent yourself from crying. You had to do it.

No, you must do it. It was the best you could do. For both of you...

A tiny tear still escaped your eyes.

"Sol-ah? What's wrong?" his expression turned serious.

"Jonghyun. I'm..I'm sorry. I had no clue. I'm really sorry. I can't do this to you but I have to. I must! Do you understand?" you let it all out and tears rolled down your cheeks.

You couldn't hold it in any longer. He got up from his chair and sat down next to you and hugged you while you sobbed onto his shoulder.

The last time you'd cried like this was when your dad left you. You were in 6th grade. You'd just gotten home from school when you heard your parents arguing.  You just saw your dad pack his bags and leave, while your mom was being consoled by your neighbor aunt.

That night you cried yourself to sleep.

Although your dad and mom never got divorced, they'd stayed away since that day. You would meet your dad only once a year. Nothing was ever the same since then.

You'd always wanted a family. A home. 

A place where you would feel warm and loved for who you were.

Your mom got abusive day by day. There was nothing you could do other than get good grades.

And somewhere along, came Jonghyun.

Being by his side, you'd always felt complete. 

It filled up the void you had in your heart for so many years.

And here you were, crying on Jonghyun's shoulder...minutes away from breaking up with him. And here he was, like an idiot, consoling you while you wouldn't be there to console him a few minutes from now.

Wiping your tears and lifting your head up, you tied your hair, and reached into your bag. 

Your wedding invitation.

You had to be quick now. The longer you stay, the longer it would become hard for you to leave. You silently hand him the card, pick up your bag and stand up. You just wanted to leave the place as soon as possible.

"Sol" he grabbed your hand, his eyes still fixed on the white card with golden font.

"I know you love joking around. This isn't true right." he wasn't sure himself.

"Nope. Its clearly written. Can't you read? Kim Sol Weds Jeon Jungkook" You pretended to be annoyed.

"No...this can't be happening. You love me...not some 'Jungkook' whom you don't even know. Its May 1st Sol...Not April 1st."

"Jonghyun...I'm going to say this once so listen carefully. We're over. I'm breaking up with you. You thought I was actually gonna get married to you?" you fake scoffed while hurting inside.

You had to be quick. The tears threatened to spill out again.

"There is nothing else I have to say to you. Bye" you started walking out.

"Sol-"

You could feel him break down behind you. You weren't going to stop.

You wouldn't look back. You couldn't see him cry. Your pace quickened.

Yes, you were rude to him. That would make him hate you and it would help him get over you quickly. That was the plan.

A guy like Jonghyun deserved better :(

You hurried out the café, and caught a nearby bench for support. You did it.

And no, you were left with no choice and that's why it had to end this way.

Pulling yourself together you walked back home. Nope you wouldn't take the bus today. You decided to let yourself be a mess one last day. You were going to be dead inside from tomorrow anyway.

You slowly walked by the florist shop, the park, the book house where Jonghyun had first asked you out. He had organized an entire treasure hunt inside the book house for that.

You were grateful to have met someone like him. A tear slipped out your face, while passers-by noticed. You wiped it and quickly hurried home.

You knew you had to cry yourself to sleep that night.

And there was no one to wipe your tears now.