Hopelessly Devoted To Music

The Aftermath Of My Decision

That game against Harleston finished 4-0. It was quite literally a free roaming game where we played in whatever style we liked throughout the 90. It was a game that meant nothing and we pretty much did nothing throughout except obviously score the four goals.

I managed to bag one goal during the game and as I celebrated, I raised my hands up knowing this was the final end to me in football for once and for all. The lads came over and celebrated with me and they knew I was just as emotional as them in all truths. We didn't cry but all of our eyes welled up once we walked back into together into the tunnel and back to our changing room because this game was the final one after 10 years of nonstop playing together.

The dressing room was quiet and solemn. We knew the end was here no doubt but what my teammates didn't know was whilst they would aspire to be playing on football's biggest stages across the world over the coming years, I would be soon aspiring to play on music's biggest stages.

We were gonna all go to the pub and celebrate like we usually did but I didn't fancy it anymore. I was gonna see all of the lads at school the following day and it felt like there was nothing that hadn't been said that had to be said in fairness. The lads respected my decision and that's what I appreciated most from this situation. 

I went back to school the following day with my head just focused on getting these exams over and done with. Afterall, I was expected high grades by school which were set to work in favour of me doing A-Levels in History, Music, Sociology and English at college. I had done my interview back in January whilst all of my football mates had secured spaces on the football course there through interviews in February. They didn't know about me set to take A-Level Music yet but oh well. Never mind.

The weeks rolled by and eventually I had completed my exams, finished school and spent near enough four months doing things around the house with my Mum and Katie. Dad was still working a vast amount which eased the tensions between us given he wasn't in favour of me giving up playing football for next season.

During that break, I spoke with Jayden who I'd known since basically forever as we were childhood mates. He had started pre-season just as he had finished off his exams and he rung me up asking how I was doing with everything. He knew something wasn't right with me giving up football so suddenly and he could tell it miles away like a best mate can.

I told him straight that I was fed up of all of the expectations that were being placed on me in the game now. The fact I had spent the last two seasons being expected to score or create 30 and 45 goals in each of those respective seasons had ruined me. The previous two seasons before that, it was 20 and 25 that I had been expected to do. And I was sick of it mentally and physically pushing my body beyond my own means.

Jayden said that it was good to have expectations placed on me like himself as it gives us a goal to aspire to but he agreed that the final two seasons for us had been quite forceful on our bodies both mentally and physically. He himself had spent a month off injured with a dodgy calf injury during the last season that took a few extra months for him to recover to his best form that he had hit pre-injury and that was all down to him pushing himself to get back and make up for the lost time. He knew where I was coming from most importantly.

But he knew there was another side to why I wanted to give up the game. He said:
"As we hit December, I saw you thinking more logically towards your gameplay when playing in terms of the approach you was playing with. I noticed you picked out passes that you would've run with had we played a year or two prior whilst you became more critical of your own performance whilst not exactly showing it emotionally in front of us lads.

And in contrast, you became more toned down in personality when with us than what you've been before in front of us all and me in particular. Whilst some could argue that it was just you taking a more serious approach to life, I know you just wanted to get the season over and done with and focus on more important things in life like our exams but that's fine cause we all toned down in our own ways mate. 

Yours isn't any different to say that of Joe's or Casey's or even mine. Playing Under 16's football was the season we toned down and went more serious in our approach as a squad and as individuals and that has to be applauded as we could've spent the entirety of it as silly little kids knowing its one last season in youth football."

Jayden knew where I was coming from after having this major heart to heart with him and after that chat, I knew this aftermath could've gone a lot worse than what it did go.

But now, my destiny was set to unfold itself for good. And as they say in Romeo and Juliet, these violent delights have violent ends.