Drarry One-shots *TW* lots of angst

Never Again

A/N BIG TRIGGER WARNING.
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"Draco we can't this is too dangerous I think its better if we don't see each other anymore. I'm sorry." He said, I could see the pain and fear in his eyes but suddenly all I could think about was getting out of here. I needed out, I felt myself begin to break.

I stood grabbing my hoodie and striding out, I walked the halls of the castle until I pushed open a door and felt cold damp grass on my feet, then I ran. I ran until my lungs hurt and my bones ached. I ran until I tripped over a tree root and lay on the ground finally letting my tired legs rest. I didn't cry, I didn't scream, I just curled into the tree roots. My breath slowed as I laid there letting the cool air soak into my bones and ease the ringing ache.

I didn't remember falling asleep but I awoke mid day the next day the sun filtering gently down onto my face. I had no clue where I was, then all of last nights memories came rushing back, they hit me like a train all the energy I had, however little it was, instantly drained. My body felt hollow as if I was nothing but a shell, my mind was blank only the all consuming emptiness filled the spaces where thoughts of him had once flitted like mice in the field. I sat up and wrapped my arms around myself tightly like I was holding myself together, and in that moment I was. I leaned my back against the tree allowing the bark to dig cruelly into my thin skin.

I didn't care, I just lost the only thing making my life worth living, some tree bark seemed like an ant against the elephant of pain I knew I would feel if I left this spot. Isolated, the only place not coated thickly in memories of him. The coats of memories layered so thick they were sticky to the touch, so thick only a well sharpened blade would be able to scrape them away. They awaited me just outside the edge of this forest just on the other side of the trees.

I watched a spider crawl elegantly over my leg. I mentally painted this memory on this spot if only just to have something other than his memories to think about. A blade would not be needed to remove this memory in fact a quick wipe of a sleeve would do.

Late in the evening I dragged myself to the Slytherin dorms mumbling the password I slid on the hoodie that I was now realizing wasn't mine. His scent clung too it. I wasn't sure if I wanted to enjoy it or rip it off and bleach it until the fabric no longer held his scent. As I stumbled in, a few first years who sat in the common room looked at me in alarm, I didn't care I kept walking straight to the stairs. I made it up before the tears streamed down my face. I got into the bed and laid down, I let tears fall freely, soon my pillow case was soaked. The empty had slowly made its way into the world ending sadness I knew would hit me eventually.

Even in my own dorm I couldn't escape him. His clothes sat on my trunk, clothes I meant to return to him. His notes half finished laid on my desk. His cologne was burned into my mattress. I couldn't bring myself to move though. Weather I was seeking comfort or just too exhausted I wasn't sure.

Hours later I heard footsteps, I didn't move, someone touched my arm, "Hey Draco what happened. We didn't see you last night and Blaise said you weren't in your bed all night. Were you with Potter?"

I felt my entire body cave at his name. I stayed silent for a moment before dragging myself into a sitting position. I was shaking so bad I could barely speak dehydration, cold and a lack of food finally catching up to me. "He told me we shouldn't see each other anymore, its too dangerous." I managed out. My voice didn't sound like mine. It wasn't mine to begin with it was his, everything I am was his and now I had no idea what to do. Nothing was mine it was all his.