BURNED ✔🔞

Let the Flames Begin

I'M DRUNK.

I lost count how many shots of tequila I tossed back after number three. As the night wore on, the four of us continued to reminisce about high school and Jungkook and I moved closer and closer to one another until we were pressed together from shoulder to wrist. After who knows what number shot, my head fell to the side until it was resting on his shoulder. He never acknowledged that it happened or moved away, so at least I didn't have to be mortified about moving into sloppy drunk girl territory and making him regret coming over here.

I lift my head off of his shoulder when I realize the conversation has gone silent because Rosie and Jimin are making out across the table from us.

"I need to go to the bathroom," I blurt, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable with the scene unfolding in front of me. Since all I've been able to think about after Jungkook walked over here is kissing him, I'm feeling a little jealous of my best friend and I don't like it at all. "I'll go with you," Jungkook quickly states, wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me away from the table.

He's obviously not too keen on watching our friends stick their tongues down each other's throats, either. As we make our way through the throngs of people on the patio, Jungkook keeps his arm wrapped firmly around my waist, only releasing me once we've reached the end of the hallway where the bathrooms are.

Locking myself in the bathroom, I lean against the door and calm my racing heart. What the hell is wrong with me?

Pushing away from the door, I step up to the sink and rest my hands on the countertop, staring at myself in the mirror. Under normal circumstances, I would blame my flushed cheeks and bright eyes on the tequila. It's definitely the cause for the slight spinning of the room and my unsteady feet, but the pink on my cheeks and the sparkle in my eyes is all Jungkook. Every time he touched me tonight I got goose bumps, and just thinking about going back out there and standing next to him makes the hair on my arms stand up. I can't get over how good he looks, how great he smells and how he still has this kind of affect on me after all this time. Shouldn't I be holding a grudge that he broke my heart? I don't care how long ago it was, I let him stick his hand down my pants and he thanked me with a note that said 'it's just not working out between us.'

I want to blame my overactive libido on the fact that it's been months since I had sex and years since I had good sex. It's hard to get in the mood when you're constantly angry with your husband. One week without turned into two, two turned into five and soon we were only having sex because I felt guilty for not having sex with the man I was married to. I can't even remember the last time I had an orgasm that wasn't assisted by my own fingers or the arsenal of vibrators we bought to spice things up.

Taehyung is the one and only man I've ever had sex with, but that doesn't mean I've never thought about what it would have been like with someone else—namely, Jungkook. He's the only other person I had any kind of sexual experiences with. I really don't know why I always turned him down, other than the fact that I just didn't feel ready until I met Taehyung. Seeing him tonight has brought all of those thoughts to the surface. I wonder if he kisses the same and if he'd fumble around in my underwear not really knowing what he was doing. I wonder if my brain would be able to shut off long enough to even let him try something or if thoughts of Taehyung would interfere, reminding me that, even though our marriage is over, he's still the only man I've ever been with.