Boarding School Bliss

Chapter 15

By the time they got back to the school, the skies had opened up and rain was coming down in sheets.

"Wow, we're going to get soaked." Samantha murmured.

Dawson raised an eyebrow as they both looked out at the downpour. "Run for it?"

Samantha gave a laugh and shrugged. "Let's do it."

They both dashed from the car, grasping hands as they met around the front and ran towards the entrance of the school. By the time they reached the doors, they were both soaked, with water dripping from their hair.

There was a group of people standing by the door who looked like they'd also just made a mad dash through the rain. They all looked toward Samantha and Dawson as they burst inside. Samantha casually, but quickly, pulled her hand from Dawson's. He met her eyes for a moment, but she tossed him a smile, hoping he would think nothing of it. He didn't say anything and they began the long walk to her room. When they reached the place where the halls met, Samantha turned to Dawson.

"You don't have to walk me all the way back. You must be ready to get in some dry clothes." She smiled at him and stepped closer, her fingers finding his once again.

Dawson's eyes never left hers, but there was some emotion deep in them she wasn't sure how to identify. Samantha stretched on her tiptoes to meet his lips-- "Sam." Dawson murmured, not moving back, but not meeting her for the kiss either.

"Yes?" She pulled back a little so she could see his face clearly.

"Do you want to eat lunch with me in the dining hall tomorrow?" Dawson said the words quietly. Samantha wasn't sure what to make of his tone.

"I-I can't." Samantha stuttered, not prepared for the invitation.

"Why not?" He asked, still in that solemn, quiet voice.

"Uh, I-" Samantha didn't want to lie to Dawson, but she also didn't want to tell him her reason for not wanting to eat with him. He would be offended and he wouldn't understand. She hated being this weak. She wanted to be able to hang out with Dawson freely, but she couldn't lose the semblance of stability this school brought to her life.

Dawson put his hands on her waist and took one step back from her. He looked at her very seriously, more serious than she'd ever seen him. "Samantha."

There was a thread of something in Dawson's voice that she couldn't place, but it made her voice come out barely above a whisper, "Yes?" She cleared her throat in an attempt to collect her composure.

"Are you embarrassed to be seen with me?" Dawson's eyes narrowed as he asked the question and Samantha recognized the emotion in his voice. Anger. He was angry or at least he was prepared to be.

"No." She said, emphatically. "Dawson, no." She stepped back up to him and put her hands on both sides of his face, looking directly into his eyes.

The intensity in his gaze softened a bit, but the tension in his body didn't relax. "But you are avoiding being seen with me." It wasn't exactly a question, but she knew he expected an answer.

Samantha took a deep, shaky breath and said, "Yes, but it's not because I'm embarrassed of you."

Dawson's gaze hardened again, turning more into a glare. "Why then?"

Samantha opened her mouth to speak, but she couldn't find the words to explain how she felt. Dawson raised an eyebrow, his green eyes growing angrier the longer she stayed silent.

"Yeah, I have to go." Dawson pulled away from her and turned to stalk down the hallway.

Panic tore through Samantha and she raced after him, catching his arm. "No, no, wait, Dawson, please, wait." When he stopped she said, "I'm going to explain. Just give me a minute."

Dawson gave a heavy sigh and reluctantly turned back to her. He looked at her expectantly. She pulled her hands back and clasped them together as she struggled to put her fears into words. She twisted her fingers together in her nervousness. She wasn't sure her reasons for hiding him were any better than being embarrassed of him and she was afraid Dawson would still walk away from her.

"As you know, we go to a stupid school where social status is a thing. And you don't care about any of that stuff. Which drives people crazy. And-and I know that if we were publicly together, my friends would throw a fit. And I just can't handle that. I need one stable, safe place in my life. My world at home is already a wreck. If this world explodes too, I will have nothing left." Samantha's voice cracked at the end of her speech and she was very aware of how pathetic she sounded. She straightened her back struggling to keep the tears at bay.

Understanding lit Dawson's eyes and the anger faded from them. His voice was a bit softer when he said, "You would have me." He held her gaze for a moment, then added. "And Meg. And Landon. And you would find out who your true friends are." His brows furrowed in confusion. "Wouldn't that be better than a bunch of people who honestly don't seem like very good friends?"

Samantha didn't know what to say to that. Dawson made sense but these things were easier said than done. She would love to be surrounded by people who loved her for her and supported her decisions, but life didn't work like that. Sometimes you had to take friends where you could get them. "It's not that easy." She finally answered, her voice a broken whisper.

Dawson gave her a smile tinged with sadness and cupped her face with his hands, "Sam. I understand how you feel, I really do. But I'm not going to be your secret."

An ache spread through Samantha's chest as Dawson's words registered with her and he stepped back, letting his hands fall to his sides. "You need to figure out what's important to you. And if it's worth putting in the effort."

Samantha wrapped her arms around her middle as she watched Dawson walk down the hall to his room. The tears she'd been holding back finally fell. She knew Dawson was right. The way she lived her life couldn't go on without imploding and she wasn't being fair to Dawson expecting him to be okay with being her secret boyfriend.

She shook her head and turned around, heading straight for her room. She pulled a bag from her closet and stuffed clothes into it in a blind rush. She had to get out of there for a while. She needed to think and she couldn't do that in the same vicinity as Dawson or everyone else for that matter. She made a beeline for her car, sending Jasmine a text explaining that she was leaving for a few days.

Samantha headed straight for the airport and booked a flight home.

Author's note: Ugh guys I hate this chapter. I mean, I loved it, but it made my heart hurt for both of them. Let me know what you think and let's all celebrate privately in our own homes that I actually put out a chapter on the day that I said I would!