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23rd January 2015

Mom is very silent these days. She's afraid, I guess.

I have been sleeping with her, hugging her tightly, mentally telling her I'm here and I not dead yet. I am not afraid of anything, except for mum. What is she going to do after I am gone?

This morning when aunt arrived, I went out to take a stroll. The sun was bright, and I felt good.

I went by the local park, our primary school where I first met you, by the lake where you used to play with your friends and I used to watch you from behind the bars, taking in the radiant smile which you would pass and by those old roads which would led to the stationary shop where you used to hang out making me watch you and admire you from afar.

While passing by the local nursery I found white roses on display. It reminded me of you. How your hazel eyes would light up seeing one of those those!

I still remember the small conversations we used to have and how you told me I have beautiful eyes. I also found a four-leaved clover in the local park among the overgrown wild grasses.

As if it was on cue, in the afternoon, I finally got a text from you. The reply to the text which I had sent you 3 years ago."Hi, Luke! Remember me?"
I could not sleep that night, I remember.

You just sent me a 'yes'. Really, Luke? Just 'yes'? Nothing else? All these years I have been waiting for you, that you will come and tell me, " Thanks for waiting. I loved you too, but all you have to say is "yes"? But who am I kidding, I knew it's never gonna happen. But at least I am lucky that you remembered me. So lucky! So lucky! I may not be alive to love you anymore.

But you only need the light when you're burning low,

Only hate road when you're missing home

Only when you love him, you let him go.

Therefore, I am letting you free today, I am letting you go. You are free now. Go live your happiness Luke Bryan. You are free!

Love,
N.

P.S.- My cousin is going to live in my room after I die. No place in nature remains void, my room is no exception.