Scared Of Dreams

Chapter 3: Everything changes

~ Trigger warning: mention of self-harm ~

Amaryllis P.O.V.

We kept in touch after that day and I went to London several times. I loved hanging out with those two dorks. But now three months after I found Phil again I am moving. My mother got offers a job I Antwerp (Belgium). I’m unemployed and I don’t earn enough money from YouTube to live from. I have to move to a different country. How am I gonna tell them? When am I gonna tell them? I only got two weeks.

[One week later]

I’m standing in front of their door like I did three months ago. I can’t bring myself to knock the door. So I’m here sitting on the pavement. I’m sitting here alone.

I don’t know how long I’m sitting here but it’s dark and I’m freezing. As I want to get up I hear a door opening behind me. I turn around and am greeted by a heartwarming smile. “Amaryllis, you must be freezing come in!” he says. In the house I’m sitting on the sofa. The same sofa I first sat on three months ago. The room is filled with silence, an uncomfortable silence. It’s like thy know what I’m going to say. It’s like they know I’m leaving.

I’m sitting here on the sofa for what feels like hours. I hesitate but it’s time. I can’t wait any longer. I have to tell them! I open my mouth to speak but I’ can’t’ find the words. I let out a sigh. The I hear Dan speak up. “Are you going to tell us what’s wrong, or are you going to sit and stare for the entire evening?” He is not mad or annoyed. He is laughing. “I’m moving!” I spat out. Silence fills the room again. After several minutes Phil speaks up. “moving closer or further away?” I’ don’t know what to say, technically I’m moving closer. So that’s exactly what I’m going to say. “Technically I’m moving closer. But it’s a different country and there will be a sea between us.” They say nothing and stare in shock so continue. “I’m moving to Belgium, My mom got offed a job in Antwerp.” Phil look at me like he’s thinking but Dan speaks up first. “You’re twenty-two, you don’t have to live with your parents.” He says. “But I don’t’ have a choice! I’m unemployed!” I shout back. “Then find a goddamn job!” Dan shouts. He scares me, I didn’t think he would shout.

Suddenly I feel two pair arms wrapped around me. I look up and see Dan and Phil hugging me, this is the point where I realize I’m crying. Actually I’m not crying at this point but violently sobbing. Once I found my voice I start speaking. “I have to move. I have to move. I have to move. …”I keep repeating the same sentence over and over again. I keep repeating the sentence and start crying. I’m crying harder than before. When my loud sobs turn in to quiet whimpers they ask almost at the same time. “Why?” It’s clear that they have been crying as well. Their eyes are bloodshot and tear marks stain their cheeks. I can’t hide it any longer, I have to let go of my past. My mouth speaks faster than I think. I hear the words “ To get away from my past” leave my lips without my permission. Dan and Phil respond to those words with a puzzled look on their faces.

I feel tears well up in my eyes again as I remove my jumper. I remove my jumper and reveal my scars. The scars that line my arms. I don’t hear my friend but I’m pulled in to an tight embrace. They don’t’ let me go for at least an hour. When they let me go I speak up before they can. “ I don’t want to talk about it.” They don’t’ speak, they nod their heads in response.

The last words I say before I fall asleep are “I’m leaving next week.”

[One week later]

I’m standing In the train station. My parents are watching me closely. Dan and Phil are hugging me and are not planning on letting go. They have to let go, My train leaves in five minutes.

[Five minutes later]

The train started moving. I feel tears run down my face. When I look outside I see my friends waving. I wave back. The train is moving faster now. I see them disappear slowly. Once they are out of my vision I sight an say to myself. “It’s time for the next chapter in my life.”

My mom smiles.” The next chapter in your story.”

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A/N I’m not happy with how I wrote this part

feedback is welcome :)