Yeonbin Oneshots [Soobin X Yeonjun]

Rooftop

6:00 AM.

It was way too early for Yeonjun to be up.

The flavor of coffee on his tongue lingered. It kept him warm. Along with the hot glass mug on his hands, and the blue knit sweater that wrapped his arms. Which was also too big for his frame.

"What the hell am I doing."

He whispered in his head. His mind was all over the place. He was currently standing in front of the concrete barrier on the rooftop of their apartment building.

He had trouble falling asleep last night.

This quarantine was getting to his mind. It was too much time to think. His worries, overthinking, and anxiety has only gotten worse and worse as the days went.

He has ran out of productivity. And all he could do was let it take its toll on his life at the moment.

He looked back at the door. A shy smirk creeping up on his lips.

He thought, his boyfriend could wait a little while. After all, he was still fast asleep.

Yeonjun only needed some fresh air. As staying inside for more than a month has maybe turned him a little insane.

He'd recalled last night's events. He held Soobin in his arms as they laid on their mattress. It was the best feeling ever, he figured. He also remembered giving him about 45 kisses on his cheeks, his forehead, his temples, his hair, and his lips.

Yeonjun let out a tiny giggle as he proudly smirked.

"I'm lucky."

He convinced himself.

But there was always a small portion in the back of his mind that asked him.

"Does he think that he's lucky too?"

Yeonjun somehow pushed himself on the rails of the longest train of thought.

Yeonjun saw himself as someone who had nothing special about himself. He was well aware that he had no talents. He couldn't sing, dance, play any instruments. He thinks his physical appearance is mediocre, at best.

He absolutely hated himself.

He always has.

His confidence was always at an all time low.

He was always thinking that there were two versions of himself. One was always trying to argue with the other.

He thought, maybe Yeonjun is a little too lucky.

Too lucky that he doesn't deserve it.

"They always say you have to love yourself first before you love someone else."

"I love Soobin. With all my heart. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world."

"But.... why is it that I can't love myself?"

"D-Does that mean... I'm being unhealthy to our relationship?"

"Maybe I'm being toxic to us."

"What if things don't work out as time passes?"

"I don't want to lose Soobin."

"God, I hate myself so much. Why can't I just stop thinking?"

Here he goes again.

One thought then led to another, and another.

Next thing he knew, he was shivering.

The sweat that has formed on his body made the winds colder. He shuddered as he tried to breathe slowly.

He looked up at the sunrise. It was peaceful. The cold breeze along with the noises of cars and trucks roaring on the streets added to the atmosphere.

Yeonjun only wanted to clear his head up at the rooftop. But why does he still end up thinking too much?

He just wasn't safe anywhere anymore. He thought.

The sudden sensation of arms slowly wrapping around his neck was all too familiar. But it still managed to startle him.

He turns around and starts to smell the scent of his Soobin. And the pretty sight on his messy hair and dark circle eyes made the buttlerflies in his stomach flutter again.

But this time, his heart was also aching. 

Yeonjun feels two teardrops fall from each of his eyes as he quickly buries himself into the depths of Soobin's shoulder.

They hold each other so tight. They could hear each other's deep breathing. Yeonjun coughed and sobbed.

He was hurting. He was tired and sleepless.

"You've forgotten that you always tend to think out loud."

"D-Did you.... did you hear the whole thing?" Yeonjun managed in between his hiccups. He felt Soobin brush his head on his a few times. Signaling a nod.

Yeonjun only cried into the shoulder as they held each other. It was cold outside. It was windy. But this was fine, Soobin thought.

___

Soobin held his boyfriend's warm hand on top of the concrete barrier that they both were resting on.

They watched the streets. How each human being down there was having a function of their own. One was walking to a pharmacy. One was carrying bags of groceries to a car.

They all had their own purpose.

Yeonjun was his. Soobin thought.

"You're perfect to me."

"I've told you a million times."

The sun's rays started creeping into the ground as it brightened the rooftop a litte more. Yeonjun and Soobin watched it together.

"But you shouldn't have to hear that from me."

"I want you to learn how to love yourself."

"Its hard. I'm aware."

"Definitely easier said than done." Soobin chuckled.

"But you don't have to stay away from me to do that."

"Its gonna be difficult. I know."

"This is gonna be a battle of your own."

"But... do you wanna know something?"

Yeonjun looked to his side. As well as Soobin. His heart shattered at the image of Yeonjun's sleepless eyes, dark circles and puffy eyebags.

"What?"

Soobin smiled.

"I'll always be cheering for you."

Soobin has always stuck to the belief that as long as you put love out into the world, then that love will come right back to you. He thought it was beautiful.

Yeonjun grasped Soobin's hand a little tighter. Pulling his body towards his own.

* **** ***

He figured, the only place that he was surely safe in was Soobin's arms.