The broken paper

Chapter 4

I opened my eyes, I was in a white room, no furniture, no windows, just a red door. The door swung open, it was brighter then the sun reflecting off of snow. There was a silhouette of a person, it was facing me. I saw no facial features, only green piercing eyes that glistened as tears fell down their face. I stood up "It's you again!" I tried to speak but my voice was gone as I tried to unveil the black hood, which spoke with no words, their lips read "how could you, I loved you Esmèe..". The tears continued falling. I tried to approach them but they ran down the empty white halls. I tried chasing after them. The further I ran down the halls the dirtier it became, stained with hand marks and splatters of dried metallic crimson. I could see them slowly fade away as the lights went dark. Not again, I need to know who that person is!

It was dark, muggy and cold, especially cold.  I started to feel claustrophobic, it felt like my vision was back but I could see nothing, I could hear nothing other then faint words "she was always friendly to those around her, supportive but also very quiet. she stood up for her friends" came a voice echoing down towards me. The smell of dirt filled my lungs, I felt paralyzed. Was I dead? Was this my funeral being held? I tried banging on the lid that held me captive, screamed with no voice as dust covered my dry tongue. Was this how I was going to end? By a phony doctor who has been out to get me for no reason? I can't go like this, I promised Jeremiah to help make Max better, I needed to know why I was being targeted. why Hanna decided to keep something like this from me. I continued to bang on the thing on top of whats appearing to be a coffin. Did I seriously go through a whole ceremony like this.. My voice grew hoarse as I continued to try and scream a I banged and punched upwards, the pain started creeping back to me as warm liquid oozed down my hands and the cracking on my knuckles became apparent, as did the plywood.

It was fight or flight and right now I had to escape. I continued to bruise my hands and knees by kneeing and punching the lid. My heart was pounding out of my chest but I had to escape. I refuse to be buried alive! and I will come through. I took off my shirt most of the way by pulling it up over my head so it comes off inside out, but doesn't come all the way off; so that my shirt is basically now just inside out over my head. I tied off the shirt at the top so it is sealed. At this point, I've basically made a "bag" out of my shirt that my head is now in to help protect me from breathing in dirt. 

Dirt started to pile on top of the coffin, the weight of the earth started to breach the center of the coffin, causing it to indent. Of course dad bought a cheap and flimsy coffin for his eldest, how typical of him.  the weight of the earth above had already been bowing the top board quite a bit; it was even somewhat likely that the earth has already breached the cheap coffin somewhere, without need of my help; I felt dirt in the coffin, I thanked my lucky stars because the hardest part is accomplished already. It was hard to move the board much because of the weight of the earth, but that was fine. I mainly just wanted to make that weight of the earth work for me by kicking the board and hopefully having the weight of the earth flex the board down more every time until it breaches.

I used my legs and hands to push the earth coming in towards the edges of the coffin. Filling the coffin as much as possible with dirt, packing it in, without losing the ability to be able to get my head and torso out of the hole, head first. I packed in as much dirt as I could, moving my head near the breach and used all of my strength to stand up with my arms straight up. 

I dug through the freshly planted earth that laid over my final resting place, fighting for my own survival. my body struggled to move because of the injection the doctor injected into me but I refused to give up. I couldn't let down my friends, not just yet.

my arm pierced through the surface of the dirt. I tried pulling myself up, my arms strained in the dirt, the shirt over my head started to suffocate me; taking the remainder of my breath. I wanted to give up, to forget about everything and be where everybody thought I was, in the ground.

I know I'm not the best of people; all I have ever done is hurt everybody I come into contact with. I'm just a burden, all I do is inconvenience people. I hurt people. I push away everybody that took their time to understand me, get to know me. I have always found it difficult to open up to people, I hate it. The way I've treated people is disgusting.

Light slowly started to peer through as I kept digging up to the surface. I have escaped from my almost eternal prison. I scrambled and pulled myself up out of the earth that had been holding me hostage.

As soon as I scrambled up I saw muddy black boots in my direction, I looked up and there he was, staring down at me with pity glistening in his pained green eyes. They were bloodshot, his cheeks flushed, his lips were chapped and faded. Max sat on the floor, his hands in his hair, tangled as he lightly sobbed. I left him for a minute until I said "hey, I'm back" with a faint smile. Max reached out his trembling hand to cup my face, eyes scanning and taking in every detail I possess on my face as his thumb rubbed my cheek. His hands were rough, like sandpaper.

max pulled me in and hugged me, his breath trembled through my ear as he held on tighter, afraid to let go of me. Cries turned into laughter. It was hysterical. Max leaned back and studied my face more until he pulled me back into his grasp, his hoarse voice whispered "I'm so glad you're alive... I don't know what I would've done without you... I won't let this happen again..." he pulled away and stared into my eyes "stay at mine for a while so I can watch over you, please" he begged. A smile began to creep onto his dry mouth, what was pain turned into relief as he hugged me tighter.

he stood up and held his hand out for me to stand up, I took it and stumbled onto him, grabbing his shoulders to stabilize myself. I hugged Max tightly, the realization of being alive hit me as I started sobbing uncontrollably. The warmth of another, their skin radiating heat, the softness of another's touch, the unique scent of a person. I had missed it. My time in the coffin made me realize how much I wanted to live. 

I was paralyzed in his embrace, like time had stopped. I was ecstatic, thankful that one person knew I was alive.

...

Long story short, I went back to the Taylor household with Max as I agreed to stay with him for a while and now we are sharing a bed, let alone a room.

"Would Hanna be okay with this? Does she know I'm alive?" I asked Max as he started stripping. "Yeah, she does, don't worry. You comfortable sharing a bed or do you want me to sleep on the floor?" Max looked at me, just happy that I'm alive, presumably. "we can share your bed if you want, I don't mind sleeping on the floor man" I responded. He climbed into bed with me and cuddled me, holding me tightly, afraid to let go almost. I closed my eyes, smiling. I feel so thankful in this moment, to be next to somebody, to be alive.

the door slammed open and a body landed on us, a familiar fragrance. small sobs erupted from the body, I looked up and it was Jeramiah, he hugged me tighter than max ever could, I giggled and pulled him in closer "whats up Jerry?" I smiled at him. I could barely hear him through his sobs but what I gathered from it was "I-I'm s-s-s-so g-glad y-you-you're alive". I cuddled Jeramiah tightly, stroking his hair as he slowly drifted off asleep. I closed my eyes as started to fall asleep as Max kissed my cheek and snuggled up next to me.