The broken paper

Chapter 3

As I woke up it smelt like hardwork and dedication. Every ward, every OT, every ICU and every OPD smelt like a mixture of blood, urine, faeces, vomit and tears. The Hospital smell was not pleasant but they give you a sense of life and death, pain and pleasure, happiness and sadness. I turned to my right and Stephon was sat next to me, holding my hand with his eyes closed. I started to rub his thumb and smile through the oxygen mask as he looked at me.

What was I doing here? I asked myself. Why was I in the hospital and what happened... I had many questions run through my head.

I looked down at myself in this white surgical dress, wires of blood pumping into my arm. My nose itched as a wire was shoved up my nose prior to me waking up.

"You're awake!" came through sounds of desperation from Stephon's voice, his eyes full of desperation as he stared at me with his flushed cheeks and his once dazzling ocean view eyes turned into swollen, defeated eyes. 

"you look a mess" I joked, trying to let some humor into the situation that I got dragged in, trying to keep a smile on my face and give him one which I could successfully say: no. It did not work one bit! he looked miserable and guilty as ever, mostly guilty.. why? why did he look so guilty?

Hanna came crashing through the hospital doors and engulfed me into a hug, her breath blasted through my ear. to get her off of me I would need a crow bar, which I doubted they'd have in a hospital so now I'm stuck with a koala clinging to me like dear life. I'm just glad to have this physical contact, it made me feel alive from the pace of her heartbeat, the warmth of her skin and the sweat from her chin. I remembered how it felt to be alive, it is very cliche that its after a near death experience but it has made me feel more alive. which led me to remember this is what happened last week when I was with Hanna, where we ran a flight of stairs after the 'I know what you did last summer' charade. Hanna knew what I would've been wanting, an answer. An answer as to why this is happening to me, my "relatively" normal life was doing just FINE but then it turned upside down with these hospital bills that will probably pile up.

"Stephon, can you leave, I've got to talk to Esmée A-L-O-N-E. kapesh?" Hanna hissed. I had never seen Hanna like this all my life, she has never been THIS defensive off of me, she would occasionally fight off some lads trying to snuggle their way in  after I got out of a very long relationship where I was continuously getting cheated on by him but that's about it... and that is where my own guilt came in, Hanna has been nothing but friendly, supportive and kind towards me and what did I do to thank her? I slept with her probably psycho boyfriend who, yes, is still actively avoiding me and making sure it was known to not only me but everybody in existence. I didn't understand because he admitted to me when we was drunk that she was too suffocating and thanked me for begging her not to come to the funeral, which I haven't explained yet. I guess those two days are chosen to be avoided by topic for the rest of humanity.

I believe that stephon got the gist because he gave me a small smile before leaving and said "message me when you're home?". To that remark Hanna scoffed then sighed while her eyes stalked him out of the room. such hostility.. Hanna swung her head to look at me, her eyes blazing with anger and sadness, her lips trembling, her eyebrows creased and even that looked attractive. my mind went off on many tangents onto why she was angry with me until she spoke up and said "why was he here? why didn't you call me sooner? what happened?! I know you got stabbed but did HE stab you? If I see Stephon again I'm gonna.. I'M GONNA-" I cut her off of her overthinking and covered her mouth with my hand and smiled "don't worry Han, it was NOT Stephon, Stephon did not stab me, he did not lure me up there, he didn't set me up. I blacked out and next minute I was here and so was. please don't go pointing the finger at him, he is innocent" Hanna got taken aback for a second about how defensive I already was about him, she looked less angry and said "yes, but you don't know if it was him or not you kike, he could've been the one who stabbed you! we cant trust anybody sweetie" her eyes glazed over, what was once sparkly blue icicles turned dull like winter soot, she was clouded with thoughts until a cough came from the room entrance and her eyes went back to dazzling icebergs as we both looked at the door.