Letters from the one

Confession by a monster

I heard her screaming, I knew I shouldn't have done that.
But that thought was far away,
I couldn't able to decipher the
thoughts of my own humanity because I was so high on drugs, blood rushed through my veins like fire.

All her screaming and crying sounded like a muffled sobbing.
It only increased my desire for more.
What an animal, I have became.
She tried to stab me with her
small knife but I knocked it off.
The air smelled blood and sex,
I cried along with her because I was sorry for causing pain to her.

Was that the part of humanity left in me?
No.
Even if some trace amount humanity was left in me,
I would have seen her as
my sister that day.
At least I would have stopped when she begged me to leave
her or when she called me
brother, if I had humanity.

I became the monster who
not only tore a girl's dress but also her soul.
My darkened desire and darkened soul tore her apart.
She was still alive but with a dead soul.
I'm not on drugs now, I can think straight.
Now, I wish I could go back in
time only to let her stab me
right in my heart,
which doesn't have enough humanity to let her go.

But I can't change what's done
and I can't go back in time.
I pray everyday that my judgement should be death.
They would ask me my last wish that day.
My last wish, "I want to die in the
hands of the girl whom I brutally raped".