Show me love.

Thirty

There was a strange moment of complete utter peace succumbing me. No moment of fleeting panic or sheer terror. Just - peacefulness. I stir awake with a steady, slightly painful sharpness in my stomach and an annoying tickling feeling around my nose. 

“That’ll be your oxygen, Ms Fields.” A friendly, warm voice speaks from my left. I lowered my hand away from the thin tube that had been forced up my nose, parting my extremely dry lips to answer. “Here, have a sip of this before you talk.” 

She fills a half glass of water, holding the straw to save me straining my neck and smiles softly as I sigh. “Thank you.” 

“Are you in pain?” She asks, clicking her pen and scribbling something down on the yellow paper stapled onto the clipboard. I shake my head. “Good, the medication is working then. You’re due another top up in around four hours but until then, if you need anything or get any other pain, all you need to do is press that buzzer, okay?” 

She hands me a small remote and points to the red alarm bell at the top. She finishes her notes, checking the machines on either side of me and gives me a final drink before she slips her pen back into the upper pocket of her blue scrubs. 

“Now, are you up for visitors?” She asks. “Because there is a crowd that has been pacing our hallways for the past few hours and I’m afraid that they’ll either make holes in their shoes or wear the paint from the floors if they don’t stop.” 

I smile, a small and very short laugh leaving and making me hiss with the nip that pinches my stomach. “Sorry - yes, please send them in.” 

The nurse, Elena by her name tag, smiles and taps my ankle, telling me she’ll be right back. I rest my eyes with a heavy breath leaving my lips, although the images flashing behind my lids were ones of a nightmare. The sharp object, the gasp for air and the helpless cries of Jason. 

Jason. 

“Ms Fields?” Elena echos carefully. I flutter my eyes open and watch her floating head appear from behind the door. “Are you ready, or would you like to wait?” 

“No, no.” I mumble. “I’m fine.” 

She widens the door and my heart swells. 

With swollen eyes and blotchy cheeks, my broken family fell through the door and before I could blink, I was scooped into the sweet, floral embrace. A broken sob escaped from her throat and the sting in my stomach wasn’t enough to distract me from the warm, homely embrace of my big sister. Tears rolled unannounced down my cheeks and onto the soft fabric of her cardigan. 

“I’m okay.” I croak, sniffling as she cups my face and wipes my damp cheeks. She struggles to regain a decent breath, her chest shakes just as much as her trembling hands as Paul reaches his arm around her in comfort and leans forward with a soft kiss on my forehead. 

"Jesus kiddo, you scared the fuck out of us."

Flo swats his stomach and I attempt another moment of laughter only to hiss and make Flo's eyes widen. 

"Let me see my baby." 

Dad moves them apart, wheeling himself as close as he can to his side of the bed and  grasps my hand with a tight grip. I don’t miss his quivering lip or his shoulders buckling with a strangled sob. I squeeze his hand back, my own chest hurting with a kept-in cry that wanted to escape. 

“You’re grounded, you hear me?” He sniffles. “Grounded, until you’re ninety and unable to go out alone. No ifs, no buts."

My lungs quiver with laughter that I snort back to save the pain rippling like a titlewave through every organ. I didn’t know what was more excruciating - the heartbreak in my dad and sister’s eyes, or the burn from the newly stitched wound opened across my stomach. He kisses my knuckles sweetly and wipes his eyes with the pad of his thumb.