Ritual {Black Veil Brides}

Chapter 4: You're Loved

Rose's POV

I sat anxiously on one of the seats in the front area of the bus.  My legs were pulled up to my chest, Ashley was sitting on one side of me, Andy on the other.  CC, Jake, Jinxx, and Juliet all sat in the surrounding areas looking at me.  After my discussion with Ashley, I decided that I could do this, be honest with them.  Maybe not about everything, but about who I am at least.  It helped that Ashley and Andy already knew and that they were going to be there with me through this.  I took in a deep breath as they all waited patiently for what I had to say.  I wasn't sure how to say it or where to start.

Ashley noticed my hesitation and reached over, taking my hand in his.  I looked to Andy and he offered me one of his big, dorky, brotherly grins that never failed to cheer me up.

"So um, there's something that I need to.... or um want to tell you all.  Ashley and Andy already know..." I started off, taking a minute to think about what I wanted to say next.  I kind of wanted this to just be over with, I hated having all the attention on me, so being blunt was my only considered option.

"I like girls." I blurted out.  I realized my abruptness before clearing my throat.  "I'm gay" I clarified, in a softer voice this time.  Suddenly the carpet in the bus seemed to be very interesting as I averted my gaze from their eyes.  CC was the first one to break the silence.  I was startled as I felt his hands grasp mine and pull me up, embracing me in a tight and loving hug.  I relaxed after a moment, wrapping my arms around his waist.

"I'm happy you told us Rosie Dosie." CC said, tightening his grip on my slightly before letting go and looking down at me, a big grin present on his face.  I let out a sigh of relief before letting out a small laugh.

"Me too" I exhaled.  I heard Andy and Ashley both let out chuckles of their own.

"See Rosie, I told you that you had nothing to be worried about." Ashley said, looking up at me.  He reached out and gave my hand another gentle squeeze.

"This doesn't change anything." Jake spoke up.

"Yeah, I mean you're always gonna be apart of the family." Jinxx spoke also.

Juliet nodded, getting up and wrapping her arms around me in a tight hug.

"We love you Rose." I felt tears well up in my eyes but I held them back, hugging Juliet tightly. 

Once we pulled apart,  I was pulled into another embrace, this one was immediately recognized as my brother's.  

"GROUP HUG" CC yelled out, causing me to burst into a fit of laughter as I felt everyone else join the hug.  "I feel squished" I giggled, causing everyone to back up slightly, slowly letting go of the group hug.  The rest of them laughed before Andy let out a small sigh.

"Alright, who wants to go out for supper?"

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We had all collectively agreed to walk a couple blocks from the venue to a pizza place that Jake had looked up on his phone.  We were all gathered in a booth after having ordered.  I sat contently in between CC and Ashley and across from Juliet.  Andy sat on Juliet's left, Jake on the other side.  Jinxx had pulled up a chair to the end of the table.  Our pizzas had come pretty fast and I ate my slices slowly, savoring the moment surrounding me.  I couldn't help but smile as everyone quietly chattered amongst themselves.

You know that saying, "Home is where the heart is"?  That's how I currently would sum up what I was feeling.  I was surrounded by people who had shown that they cared about me, regardless of who I was, that they loved me.  While the sting of the hurricane that ripped through my life was still present, I felt a distance growing between me and those memories.  I felt like I could just be present in this moment and that maybe things could possibly be okay.  One person was missing from this, well two, but the other person is probably never going to speak to me ever again.  I cringed as I felt the numb heartbreak return.  Aside from Quinn, I truly did miss Zach.  I wonder what he's doing right now.

I jumped up suddenly as I felt someone's foot tap mine.  I turned in the direction that it came from looking to see CC peering down at me.  A look of concern adorned his face.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked, his question going unnoticed by everyone else as they were all caught up in their other conversations.  CC was always good at reading people, he just had the gift of always knowing.  While I knew there wasn't an escape route with his curiosity, I still dropped a one word response, "Nothing"

CC shook his head in disbelief.

"You were clearly thinking about something, or maybe someone?" It was phrased as a question, but CC made it clear by his tone that it clearly wasn't.

"It's...... my friend Zach" I settled on, I mean it wasn't an exact lie. 

"He's joining the army, he's supposed to be leaving for training soon.  I'm just worried I guess" I elaborated.  CC listening intently.

"That's brave of him.  I'm sure that he's going to be just fine.  Besides, right now, it's just training.  Save the worry for if he ever has to be deployed, that's IF, it might not even happen."  I took in CC's words, nodding as they sunk in.

"Anything else?" He continued.  I just shook my head.  I wasn't going to talk about Quinn, I don't think I could.  I wasn't exactly eager to cry in a pizzeria, which would inevitably happen if I did talk about Quinn.  I was grateful when CC nodded and nudged my shoulder with his own.

"I'm always here to talk Rosie Dosie." I smiled at the nickname that would no doubt follow me for the rest of my life, but also that CC cared and he wasn't going to push the subject if I didn't want him too.

"It's getting late, we should go" Jinxx said from the end of the table.  Everyone nodded in agreement, getting up from their spots.

Ashley left a tip on the table and we all made our way out the front entrance.  The sun had gone down and their was a slight breeze.  The guys were all slightly ahead of me and Ashley as we made our way back to the bus lot.  Ashley slung an arm around my shoulders, looking down at me.

"You okay?" I bit my lip at his question, "You were awfully quiet at dinner" He continued on.  "I heard you talking to CC, Zach isn't the only one on your mind, is he?" 

I felt the tears well up in my eyes, I wasn't sure if it was his question in particular or if I was just overly tired from my flight and the last couple of days, either way I could feel the waterworks coming.

"Quinn" I spoke softly, afraid that if I raised my voice any, that I would break down.  Ashley gave my shoulder a light squeeze, he pulled me closer into his side.

Ashley's POV

As I pulled Rosie closer to me, I noticed more just how skinny and petite she was.  I could hear the tears and pain in her voice.  Quinn wasn't just some girl she kissed, she cared about her, that much was very clear.  I noticed Andy turned to look at me, concern written on his face.  I gave him a small nod, hoping to tell him that Rosie was going to be okay.

"Can I ask you something?" I shifted my gaze back to Rosie.  I felt her nod against my side that she was still tucked into.

"Did you love Quinn?" I wasn't sure if I was expecting an answer to the very personal question or not, either way I was surprised when I got an answer.

"Yes" Rosie pulled away from me slightly, bringing her hoodie sleeves to her eyes to wipe away the tears that had fallen.  She sucked in a deep breath.

"It hurts Ashley." I let out a deep sigh, wishing that somehow I could have protected her from this.  I couldn't describe my protective nature when it came to Rosie, it's just always been a part of our relationship.  Ever since I had first joined Black Veil Brides and Andy brought her out to LA the first time.  

"I know it does, but it will fade, the hurt, eventually.  I promise." I swore to her, holding my pinky out to her.  I smiled as Rosie let out a small laugh at that before linking her pinky with mine.

"Thanks Ash"