FEEL IT TWICE

chapter 5 - beds & buildings

Camila snuggled down into the bed and he headed to one of the spare rooms but she called out. He saw a sudden look of fear in her eyes as she shivered, and the realisation of how close she had come to death poured over him like a tsunami.

"Shawn, could you stay in here. Please?" She sounded frightened and still looked a bit wobbly. He'd rather be close to keep an eye on her anyway, so he grabbed a blanket and curled up on the long window seat. He was embarrassed about his breakdown earlier. He still had little episodes, but they were getting few and far between. He had missed his meditation today, even though he wasn't very good at it, and he felt the lack of it. Other than that, he had improved a lot in the month since the night he had wigged out at the O2.

He had banked the fire before they went to bed, and it glowed warm in the darkness, so he could just make out Hagrid, stretched out on the bed beside Camila and they looked to be asleep. His choice of sleeping location soon proved to be a bad one, as being so close to the window meant it was literally the coldest spot in the room. He grabbed his blanket and pillow and moved to lay down in front of the fire. The floor would be hard, but it would be warm at least.

"Shawn, come sleep on the bed," Camila called softly. Hagrid's ears twitched but he didn't budge.

"I can't," he said in a strained voice.

"It's ok, Hagrid will be here between us. It's warm and comfy, I can't possibly sleep knowing you're on the floor."

He stared at the bed, wondering at what point this cruel test the universe was putting him through would finally end. He walked over and lay down on the other side of the bed, on top of the covers, and threw the blanket over him. Hagrid's warm body heat and the electric blanket beneath the covers warmed him quickly and as he listened to the steady breathing of his bedmates, he fell deeply asleep.

He awoke long before her in the morning, when Hagrid began licking his ear, needing to do his business. They padded downstairs together and he looked at the back door. Snow was piled high against it, there was no way to get out that way. Luckily, Maggie, the house's owner, had put in some interesting extensions to the original house, all joined by small walkways around a central covered courtyard. The courtyard was full of plants, sort of a like a greenhouse, Maggie called it "the atrium", and he liked to meditate in there, although he wasn't doing very well with it. It also had a little corner for Hagrid to do his business, once used by Maggie's dog, who died shortly after her husband succumbed to cancer last year. He showed Hagrid where it was, and he got the idea immediately. After Shawn had cleaned up after him and put the refuse in the bin through the slot made for that purpose, he took Camila's clothes out of the dryer and folded them for her. He had washed them last night along with some of Maggie's clothes he'd found in the downstairs storage room. He'd found a couple of pairs of sweatpants that would be too big but had drawstring waists and could be rolled up, and two sweaters that might fit as well as a few other items. He remembered the day he had arrived here, Maggie had been waiting in the doorway, tall, slender with a steel grey bob and eyes to match. She had smiled and looked him up and down.

"You don't look like a pop star," she had said, motioning him to come inside. "You look too skinny, you need to eat. Luckily, I have a freezer full of meals I made for myself that I won't need now." She showed him the big chest freezer off the mudroom. "I'm very health conscious," she informed him, "so all the meals are organic, no artificial anything, low gluten, and a lot of them are vegan. I'm trying to reduce my carbon footprint by eating more plant based meals." She showed him the courtyard and then he followed her down the walkway, showing him the entrance to the barn, where the chickens were warm and dry for the winter and would provide him with eggs, the generator they used for auxiliary power as they lost mains power regularly during the winter, and the storage room where jar upon jar of preserves, jams and sauces were stored. They went down another walkway and she opened a door and ushered him through.