Tortured Uchiha [CURRENTLY EDITING]

十八

S E L F - S A C R I F I C E

     How could someone prepare for death? I'd known for too long what was to come, but waiting didn't ease the pain. Despite the agony that spread through my chest, my grief wasn't for my parent's death. That, I could accept over time. 

    What wasn't acceptable, was knowing that Shisui would slip through my fingers and I could do nothing but watch. He would never allow me to intervene, he wanted this his way―but it wasn't what I wanted. 

     I downed another box of food pills and forced myself to swallow. I followed Kakashi aimlessly around the village. We talked about nonsense for a while, about life and what our beliefs were, our shared suffering and understanding of pain. 

    Shisui left promptly to Hiruzen's office, I had no idea what they would discuss, but I assumed it would be a way for Shisui to disappear forever. So, to keep me somewhat sane, Kakashi took the liberty to stay with me when Itachi disappeared. 

     I assumed from his new style of dress meant that he'd accepted the position of a proper Jonnin. Hiruzen retracted him from the Foundation so Danzo wouldn't take his Sharingan. Kakashi had been given the role of Sensei to a new generation of graduates. I still marvelled at Kakashi's transformation; he laughed and acted human rather than the robotic killer in the Foundation. 

      "I want to promote you to Captain," Kakashi said after a while.

       "What about Tenzo?" I looked up at the sun. It was still high in the sky, Shisui still had time to change his mind. 

     "I've spent a lot of time with the kid, I mean, I've trained a fair few ANBU in my time but Tenzo would rather follow someone else," Kakashi followed my gaze towards the blinding sun. Kuragari flew in circles above us, awaiting the signal from Shisui. "Something's wrong, I can tell. Come on Etsuko, you can tell me, we're no longer constricted by the walls of the Foundation―this can be strictly confidential."

       "What do you think the true meaning of a Shinobi is?" I asked quietly.

       Kakashi looked taken aback by my question. He stuffed his hands in his front pockets and kicked some gravel that lay on the dirt street. My former captain continued to walk in silence for a while before he stopped abruptly and sighed.

      "What I think a Shinobi is, shouldn't matter to you, because it should be your ideals that characterise a Shinobi. You are the only one which can find out your Ninja Way, your Will of Fire," Kakashi looked over his shoulder at me. "This has something to do with your friends, doesn't it?"

      "Hn."

      "Alright, out with it," Kakashi started to walk again. "I know what you think about me Etsuko; Itachi told me everything that was concerning him. I may seem cryptic, but I care for my comrades deeply, and I consider you as such."

       "If Itachi told you everything then you shouldn't have to ask," I spat.

      His shoulders tensed.

      "Listen, I had a run-in with Itachi when you were arrested. At the time I had no idea what was going on, but Itachi was so hostile―he told me that he didn't care about you or Shisui which I know was a complete lie. Since finding out of the second branch massacre and the worries Itachi conveyed to me a while ago, I've been able to piece a picture together. Correct me if I'm wrong here."  

        "You've been underestimated your entire life, you've had nobody from the start until you found a home with Shisui and Itachi. By building walls around yourself and defying everyone's authority, you thought that would get you a name, a name which your peers and clansmen would respect you by―but due to Danzo's schemes and mistrust with the Hokage and Fugaku, your plan backfired. You've been thrown into a sea of lies that you can't differentiate what is right and wrong anymore―you think your love for your friends will carry you through but something's changed," Kakashi paused and looked at one of the near rooftops to see a Root Ops observing us.