Lifeline (Sebastian Vettel)

Chapter 20: Rejection

Tully's brain felt like a barren, post-apocalyptic city as she watched Seb hovering above her. Her mind had gone totally blank, unthinking, nobody home, auto-piloting... just waiting. You could almost hear a tumbleweed.

Seb on the other hand looked like he was thinking... fighting some great internal battle.

"Fuck..." he uttered, glancing between Tully's lips and back to her eyes, "I'm so sorry, Tul."

"Why?" she whispered, continuing to caress his jaw between her fingers.

"I can't do this."

A confused frown flickered across her face as she waited for him to keep speaking.

"I'm sorry." he repeated, shaking his head.

Tully quickly buried the multitude of conflicting feelings in her gut and kept her expression carefully unreadable.

"It's okay Seb." she replied quietly, slipping her hands around his neck. He instantly responded to that, falling against her and burying his head in her hair. She heard him groan into her shoulder as they lay there together.

"You've been going through a lot of shit lately." she mumbled in a convincing attempt at trying to brush it off and gripping him probably a little tighter than she meant to.

Seb squeezed his eyes shut. You fucking idiot, you've done it now. Why couldn't you just control yourself.

"Well, if you're not going to throw yourself at me in a fit of spontaneous passion then I must insist that you get the hell off me because you're too, damn, heavy." Tully teased, trying to make light of the situation and masking her confusion with casual indifference.

She felt Seb chuckle lightly before he slipped off to one side, laying alongside her with his forehead resting against her cheek.

"I love how you do that." he muttered.

"Do what?" she asked.

"Shrug everything off. No drama, no fuss." he murmured.

"I can bring on a storm if you like..." she smirked, trying to dissipate any lingering evidence of what had just happened.

"No, please, I've had enough storms." he replied with a humourless laugh.

They lay there in silence as the TV droned on in the background and the rain lashed viciously against the glass windows.

Tully lay on her back, staring at the TV screen, but not taking any of it in. Her mind was too busy for that. An hour must have passed before she felt Seb jolt gently; he'd fallen asleep. His body was so warm, pressed up against her side with one arm hanging across her stomach.

She wished she could read his mind. How did he feel about her? Why had that almost happened? Why hadn't it happened?

He was affectionate, that much was obvious. But so was she. And she of all people should know it didn't always have to mean something.

Was it just loneliness? Maybe he missed the intimacy he used to get from Hayley. Maybe Tully could be anyone and they'd get the same reaction from him.

She took a deep breath and rubbed her face with her free hand; Seb had the other pinned behind him.

Why does it feel different this time?

She rarely felt anything when it came to amorous relationships, never having enough time for them to last much longer than one night. She would walk away the next day, never to look back again. No sadness, no attachment. As a travelling Personal Trainer, it kept things simple, easy, and was pretty much her only opportunity to experience intimacy anyway.